September 9, 2005

Hiding Amongst Myself

**I often find that poetry expresses my thoughts much more eloquently than I could ever do in speaking. Just thought I'd post this one... for whatever reason...
Wendy

Hiding Amongst Myself

I hide myself amongst myself
drawing deeper inside this troubled mind.
Are you sure you want to know me?
I starve for countable ribs
and collarbones, spine like my
grandmother's washboard.
Starve for wrist bones, and visible tendons
like the laces of my track shoes--
running off every last bit of self
I can live without.
120....110....105
I feel half-dead, but I'm still alive
still here. Doing what they say
is impossible.
"Are you still starving?" she asks.
And I half-want to laugh at
the absurdity of her words.
"Only for the last 16 years..."
I want to say.
Sarcastic.

This time around is different, though.
This time around I'm quite aware
of the path I'm taking. The road. The reason.
But knowledge isn't enough to break the habit.
Even for you.
Even for me.
Today marks 72 hours. No nourishment.
I just keep on going. Taking this
further, than even I can comprehend.
Is this my beginning... or my end?
Self-imposed starvation just because I can

I long for days of simplicity
and freedom, the
time and attention I never had.
Notice me. But don't notice me.
Acknowledge me. Validate me.
Dare to tear down these walls.
Or simply just let me crawl
into the arms of madness once again.
Let it hold me like a child. Cause
I feel chaotic. A bit crazy. A little wild.
I need my safety back again.

6/15/05

Posted by Wendy on September 9, 2005 9:32 AM

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Posted by: Lara at September 16, 2005 6:09 AM

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