Main » Working with IBS

March 14, 2007

Mayday! Bowels Bursting!

I stand defeated. Today my IBS won in the battlefield of work. It lanced my bowels until they split, proclaiming itself victorious.
It first led a quiet sneak attack, disguised as tagalong cookies, fried octopus and mayo shrimp. It then struck me in my stomach, the sharp pain shooting down to my legs, and warning of its pending eruption. I tried to hold it in - running back and forth from the solitude of the women's stall - often tripping on my own feet as IBS cramps paralyzed my clumsy gait. Twenty minutes I sat there, waiting for the all clear signal, with many false hopes. As the clock ticked to 3pm (a meeting with the department), I knew that I had to make a run for it. I exited the safe haven of the restrooms and ran to my office, throwing caution to the wind as I yanked the laptop from the outlet and shouted, “Please reschedule the meeting!” I was tricked into thinking IBS has surrendered. I started the car and screeched out of the lot. IBS was back to make me bleed.
For the very first time in my life, I didn’t make it home today.
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Posted by Christine at 12:25 AM | Comments (950)

January 29, 2006

IBS Suits for the IBS Woman

To my fellow IBS career girls - how incredibly important is it to find slacks that button loosely at the hips rather than snugly at the waist?! What about suit jackets that don't let you breathe? We all know that fit is of the upmost importance in fashion, but for an IBS girl, we are talking about the difference between a pending attack or an uneventful day. How different is our thought process in comparison to our 'normal' coworkers. I wake up and stare intently at my closet wondering what top + bottom makes the most fashion and just-in-case-I-get-an-attack sense. Is this shirt going to cover my unbuttoned pants incase I happen to feel sick? And IBS women hate wearing thongs. They look sexy, but only when my bottom's not sore or irritated. When that happens, the hottest lace number from La Perla is the last thing I want on my body. And in that case, is my panty line showing? Oh, and I swear that a man invented hosiery. So here's my criteria for IBS suits:
1. The waist band of my slacks need to be loosely fitting around my hips.
2. The sweater top needs to be able to hang lower than my hips so that it can cover my waist band in the event I want to unbutton. In a perfect world, the sweater should also include a pouch (like a kangaroo pouch) around the tummy area so I can slip in a slim water bottle to warm.
3. The jacket should hang slightly over my VPL (visible panty lines) and have a snug yet not tight button.
4. The preferred footwear should be ballet flats. Comfortable and easy to make a getaway to the bathroom.
5. Never ever ever suggest that wearing hose makes a suit look more professional. Those things are ridiculous. Why in the world do I want to feel like I'm sucking in the whole day? It makes my insides hurt. Women shave, wax, fake and bake - is that not enough? Do we really need to look like our entire leg is all one color when everyone knows its not? So my last proposition is to rely on knee highs or let our legs go free. Faux pas are for people who care and men that created such restrictions.

Posted by Christine at 6:13 PM | Comments (6)