October 28, 2005
IBS Quashing My Dreams & Aspirations
This is a story of a girl...a strong independent woman who, at five, saw herself as the future U.S. president. At thirteen, she was determined to be the future head of an international corporation. At nineteen, she was content with the VP of marketing. At twenty-six, she wanted to have her own business.
As days grew longer and the rungs on the corporate ladder sometimes faltered, the journey to the top seemed impossible - yet never improbable. There was no amount of work politics, overtime, abysmal salary that was going to conquer her determination and drive. She could handle the shouting bosses, learning new programs, seemingly working harder than anyone else. There was nothing that would wane her spirits.
She didn't count on the power of IBS...
IBS is a physical pain, an emotional depression and an internal blender that chops up your insides. The pain is so intense that it floods into your mental psyche and brings you to a level of depression where nothing is longer possible. Every step closer to your dream becomes exponentially harder as you face issues of travel, demanding performance, and having to explain your health. You try even harder to create the facade of strength and independence. Inside you feel like a weak fraud, running to the bathroom doubled over in agony.
It’s Friday. Another week has ended. My IBS attack last evening has left me in shambles. I cried in my recovery just wishing it would all end. I don't know how others do it. I can't keep living my life within a physical and emotional roller coaster. 90% of the time I deal with it and brush it off as if I'm the stronger entity - but deep down, I know who's really in control.
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