Main » Migraines

June 29, 2006

Acupuncture Helps Migraines

Acupuncture would help to relieve the chronic headaches, migraine in particular. Such are the conclusions of a clinical study, carried out in England and in Wales, which was published in British Medical Journal. The study was made with an aim of evaluating if acupuncture could be rather effective, in the case of the headaches, to be integrated into the free care of the system of public health in England. (asscdm.com)

Posted by news editor at 8:23 AM

June 23, 2005

Migraines and Botox

Botulinum toxin A (Botox) injections can help prevent migraines in patients who have headaches almost every day, according to study results reported Thursday at the annual meeting of the American Headache Society in Philadelphia. (Reuters)

Posted by news editor at 2:25 PM

April 22, 2005

Botox for Migraines

New research suggests BOTOX (botulinun toxin type A) may significantly reduce frequency of headache attacks in migraine patients suffering from chronic daily headaches (CHD). (Mayo Clinic)

Posted by news editor at 1:07 AM

February 22, 2005

Migraines and Heart Disease

New research shows migraine sufferers have twice the heart disease risk as nonsufferers, especially if the migraine is accompanied by an aura.

Posted by news editor at 9:51 AM

February 13, 2005

Cooperation and less fighting inside, and my poor therapist

This weekend went better inside. Less fighting and more cooperation, trying to figure out how to do things to get along a little better.
Well, except for Missy, who seemed to have her say with T on Thursday and hasn't lowered herself to talk to any of us about what she and our T talked about.
I'll try to find out on Tuesday what she said. T will usually tell me, at least give me a rough idea of what they talked about. Confidentiality is sort of inbetween "telling nothing" and "telling everything". My T balances it well. She might not tell me everything that they say (and there isn't time for that anyway) but gives us all a rough estimate of what others have said, what they're working on, what they're thinking and saying and wanting to do, what they need and want. I'm happy with how my T handles it. It must be really complicated for her to have me for a client.

This is something funny. I went to the doctor the other day, and she gave me a bunch of really powerful medications. I don’t usually take adult doses—I take kid doses, for safety reasons. But I have to laugh because THIS is what happens when I take too much medicine: I thought all I was doing was sitting around staring into space last night (sometimes medicine makes me just space out). I could not stop staring. I kept seeing Tuck swinging from vines in my head (weird, I know.) I found THIS posted on my message board from the same time I thought I was just sitting there staring:
i am Tuck and i am 8 and i have too much medisisn in side me and it makes me feel funny and those girls cant control me
HA HA!
I AM A BOY I AM A BOY I AM A BOY :)

I just thought that was kind of funny. He sort of broke loose the other night. I guess he needed to.

Posted by pilgrim at 6:29 PM | Comments (0)

February 10, 2005

working really hard

This week I worked so hard in therapy.
I went to see my therapist 3 times. We were working on something sort of specific. I worked real hard on it. My therapist would give me homework too each day and all of us would work together at night on it to get it done.
It makes me feel better inside to know that I can work really hard on something and not have it kill me.
Today though it was a little harder. I was talking to T and Missy took over. My T said Missy was there for 40 minutes talking to her. And I don't even know what about. That makes me nervous... I wish I knew what Missy said. My Therapist didn't even seem to mind that Missy had been there, almost like she even LIKED talking to her! What did that girl SAY? T said it had to do with what we had been talking about, and something about Missy changing, but that's all I know. I can't imagine Missy ever changing. And all I know was that today it went from 2:10 to almost 3:00 in the blink of an eye.
Last night I had a nightmare that woke me up, gasping for breath and sitting straight up in bed. I had dreams that I was working on artwork on the computer-- working on it in layers, like I do when I used Paint Shop Pro-- and someone kept tryng to save the layers of the artwork with the wrong names. Each piece of the artwork kept getting called the wrong name, and it was messing up the entire program, the entire piece! It was, for some reason, very terrifying in my dream. All the parts need to be called the right name and be saved or the artwork isnt going to turn out right. I woke up this morning practically screaming.

nobody.

p.s. i'm sorry this isn't written very good. i am all strung out on cold & sinus medicine. Since I'm the size of a kid, taking adult cold medicine really knocks me out. This stuff was supposed to be non-drowsy. But I still fell asleep and I feel like I got kicked in the head anyway. I'll try to write better when my head clears.
Next time I want to tell you guys what therapy has been about this week.

Posted by pilgrim at 5:25 PM | Comments (1)

January 25, 2005

The weight of the world on my shoulders

I just got back from therapy.
i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. like i'm about to explode. i'm so lonely. i need a friend to talk to. i need to not come home to a dark house. i want to fade away into nothingness. its so hard to sit there and talk. but i want to. i want to have the connection to my therapist like C**** does, like Mae does. i have to be so careful though. i never make eye contact with anyone, but i am trying to with her. That was something we talked about today, about me never being able to look at anyone. I try so hard to make eye contact with her but it hurts to look at people. I dont want anyone to see how fat and ugly i am, or how bad i am, how worthless and stupid i am. I've always felt like i'm below people, not worthy of looking up at them. i just want to hide away.
I dont know how Missy does it. She has no problem with eye contact. She would stare down a 5-Star General and not think anything of it. She'd probably have a stare-down with Jesus and then wink at him. She just doesn't have any fears or any worries about her self-worth.
C**** is comfortable, too. I know she looks at people. i dont know about Mae.

i have so much tension and anxiousness built up inside me from so much that's going on that doesn't get talked about that it just feels like i'm going to explode. i hate myself so much. i wish i could cut until all the bad stuff is out. i dont want to be here anymore.

Posted by pilgrim at 4:41 PM | Comments (1)

January 12, 2005

Tired out

I am really tired out right now. All of this stuff is going on and on inside my head, over and over. I am doing a lot of thinking.
I am very anxious to get to my session next week and talk things over with S. When I do talk to her about things we've been thinking about though I'm going to tell her to not just take our word for it that we plan to change now. We want to prove it first to her and to ourselves, because things are easier said than done. Since yesterday when we realized that she isn't our tormentor or our mom or dad or ex boyfriend ... that we're not her victim... it feels different somehow. Like now we can take a step back and let her help and trust what she says. It feels different... almost a little freeing.

Posted by pilgrim at 7:45 PM | Comments (4)

January 10, 2005

Contemplation about therapy, trust, and my relationship with my therapist

have to remember that the luxury of therapy isn't always going to be available. i need to take advantage of it even when it is hard

S is trustworthy. she has proven it time and time again in the past 4 years. even when Missy has tried to convince me that S is leaving me, or not coming back from somewhere, or is going to dump me "for sure" after telling her something terrible--she hasn't. Missy has been WRONG.
Here are some things I need to remind myself...
My therapist
- is trustworthy
- has never made fun of me
- has never called me names, called me fat/ugly/stupid/etc; has never put me down
- has always been honest with me; she tells the truth, even when its something I dont want to hear-- so I know I can trust what she says
- she has been MORE than patient with me. she has gone above and beyond the call of duty especially as far as patience goes
- we have told her some really weird stuff. Yet she still lets me come back every week
- she pushes me because she thinks i can handle it
- she says she believes i can do things.
- one of the things I'm afraid of is that she will tell on me (like to my parents). But she hasn't done that (and cant, since I'm an adult and also live far away from them)
- she's not going to beat me up or call me names or scream at me. When she's frustrated with me we talk about it
- when there are problems between us we talk through it and find solutions

*sigh* my head hurts. I have a splitting headache, have since I started driving home from therapy tonight. It feels like I have something prying apart my head and I'm trying to look deep inside to find out what the problem is in there. I'd like a flashlight.... or maybe a lobotomy.

i have so much to figure out.
If anyone has any helpful advice or comments, please feel free to leave me some.

Posted by pilgrim at 7:33 PM | Comments (4)

got a good talking to.

*groan*. Well, I totally got a talking to in today's session (this is nobody). My therapist talked about how she is frustrated over the ways I dont change my thinking, how she's done everything she can think of to help me, and still I dont change. i went in there feeling hopeless... the stern talking to didn't help much but i needed to hear it.. I needed someone to talk to me like an adult.. I mean, I think it means she trusts me to be honest with me. I have 8 days until my next session... and lots to think about. My therapist can't possibly make herself more trustworthy... she can't make her office or herself any safer.I know deep inside that she is just as safe as can be to talk to. I know deep inside that I can trust her with anything I say. Its just that my fears are so great, so afraid of being rejected again, or made fun of, or a hundred other things. My therapist is not the problem here, and I know that. What I have to work up the courage to do is to just go ahead and jump in. Do what I need to do, open up my heart and my mouth, and start talking in therapy and say what I need to say and feel what I need to feel. Its up to me. I know I need to do this. I think I needed a talk like this today. It just scares me.

Posted by pilgrim at 5:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 5, 2005

left again

my appointment got cancelled today. she's sick.
naturally.
because yesterday stirred up a bunch of crap that i dont know how to handle and I really needed to talk to her again today and I feel like i'm crawling out of my skin. so naturally i get left alone to deal with it.
screw this.
this will be a lovely evening at home by myself i'm sure.

i keep trying to tell myself... it doesnt matter it doesnt matter it doesnt matter ... that its ok, i can wait til next monday to go again, what's the big deal. well it IS a big deal. i have been counting the hours since last night til i got back to her office today so I could talk about this today. it doesnt matter it doesnt matter it shouldn't matter why cant i just be a normal freaking person for once and shut the hell up.
i'm trying not to burst into tears but i'm at work so i have to hold it in for 4 more hours til i get home.
i knew this was going to happen.
i can take care of myself.
there are other things that are options. i have a bandaged up hand that proves that. and now i can go home and exercise instead. exercising is always better than just sitting in a chair talking, right? at least i can work on losing weight. an extra day of exercise.
i hate myself.
i hate all these flashbacks and body memories.

i will never have the help i need.
i have to be numb.
i only have myself.
i have to disappear.
i have to make everything hurt less
and i dont care how i have to do it.
i dont care how.
no crying, fat girl.
you're locked inside for another week. tough on you.
it doesnt hurt. nothing hurts. it wont. i'll make sure.

i just wanted to talk to her today.
i'm so selfish.

Posted by pilgrim at 9:53 AM | Comments (0)

January 4, 2005

i shouldn't have brought it up

I shouldn't have even written my last post here. i mentioned it to my therapist today. i should have kept my mouth shut. she already knew about this stuff with my dad, the comments he's made and stuff. but today she wanted me to talk about it because it's triggering my eating disorder and she said I was talking in the language of "fat" today (I'm fat. I just feel fat. I just need to lose weight. There's nothing wrong with me except that I am too fat." etcetera)So near the end of my session something really triggering came up and she wanted me to tell her about a comment that was said, I was dissociating and trying hard to stay there, but then it was time for me to go. That's it, time's up. shit. :( My head feels like its about to explode, but time's up.
So i went home and did some really, really stupid stuff to hurt and punish myself. Way to go, idiot. I dont even want to talk about it.
I see my therapist again tomorrow, thank goodness. I hope it goes better.
Tonight I'm just loaded with flashbacks and body memories of crap from the past that I hate. I feel like screaming and runnng from the room.
I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin.
hate this. hate it. i dont want to be here.
of course, i can never switch when i WANT to, dammit. all i want right now is to disappear and let someone else take over, like C****, who would know how to handle this stuff, but I'm sTuck here, just me, stupid. Pilgrim.

Posted by pilgrim at 9:20 PM | Comments (1)

November 23, 2004

from Caroline...now that Missy's had her fit.

I’m sorry I tried to salvage what I could out of the appointment with Dr x… Missy was in the way, I couldn’t get around her… I tried to tell Dr x that I wasn’t trying to be difficult (maybe Missy wasn’t trying to be difficult either, she was just trying to stand up for herself…*maybe*…*sigh*…God Missy what WERE you doing?)…

Guys… we have to work something better out or Missy is going to keep doing this. We can’t let her go to Dr x anymore. One of us is going to HAVE to figure out how to be present enough to make sure WE are there instead of her. You KNOW how she is. She’s just like dad…and he’s completely anti-medicine… you know she’s probably doing this because we’re going to be seeing Dad in a month and Missy’s just trying to identify with him. I don’t know… maybe she means well, maybe not, but either way, we cant let her run around like she owns everything, we’re going to have to find a way to work with her. Yeah I know, how. I don’t know. I’ll think of something…I’ll need more time to work on that one. She really needs to go talk to [our T]. I think we should force her…don’t know how we’d manage that but there’s got to be some way.

…this is so much to handle on my own right now, what am I even going to do with them?

I need to do some research this week. I don’t even know about WHAT, but I need to figure out SOMETHING…in SOME area… to help.

What a conundrum our life is.

Let me sort some things out…maybe writing will help. Man, my brain is full. They better read this later.
Ok…here is what I know.
Theres 1 body. (sorry, just 1, no matter what everyone perceives.)
Everyone sees themselves as their own person…yes, even me, even though I know better… I just forget sometimes. I know better.
At work, I (Caroline) take over completely from 7:30-4:00 as soon as I get inside the building (even if Nobody is the one driving to work)…that way every day is a good day at work, and that way our performance reviews are always high…thank goodness. No more days like at ____ elementary when Mae was popping out here and there, we’d hide in the bathroom, etc…thank goodness we’ve got a handle on work now.
after we leave the school building everything is up for grabs… we can all feel it. As soon as the kids get on the bus, I’m (Caroline) pretty much gone… and Por nobody takes back over.
nights and weekends, lots of switching goes on, depending on circumstances, what’s on tv, what people say, memories that pop up, what we read in a book, a certain smell or taste of something, being triggered by different things makes someone else take over.
if they fight the switching, they get bad headaches which makes everyone miserable and the noise inside escalates. If the switching is allowed to happen, the headaches go away, people are allowed to say what they want to and need to, there is less fighting, less noise. Whether they like it or not, when everyone gets some time out on their own, it helps.
When Nobody is around… nothing gets done. She is too depressed/anxious to get housework or any other work done. She’d rather just lay on the couch and stare into space…everything else is too much effort…she doesn’t want to do anything.
When Missy is around… she will pay the bills, do the housework, go shopping, do research on weird things. (And apparently, Missy goes sneaking around and doing things that the rest of us don’t know about!!)
the kids will play…content to color, watch PBS, whatever… most of the time. Mae …well… we all know how she is.
P just tries to keep up with what’s going on and tries to get through the day any way she can…exercising, getting on the computer, reading, playing with the dogs.
I like to enjoy the day if I can…yoga, reading, helping friends online, doing webpages, things like that, but I don’t do much if I’m not at work. Work is my life—those kids are my life. I have friends I can talk to on the internet, but most of them just want me to listen to them, want my advice. I’m ok with that.
Here is what else I know: this fighting can’t go on…neither can this disorganization…communication has gotten better, and everyone’s been making good progress in their own ways…but as a group, we’re not working together that much… what is getting in the way? (Ahem…or maybe the question is WHO?)…sorry. That was petty of me.

I have to figure out…what to do… I think we need to stop seeing Dr x and find someone who knows about D.I.D. stuff… and then I (Caroline) will go talk to them…. And let them know what’s going on with everyone. Missy has ruined things with Dr x.

This is not a crisis. I keep telling everyone that. We really need to learn to contain ourselves.

Posted by pilgrim at 10:34 PM | Comments (0)

October 14, 2004

Mae went to therapy today.

Mae went to therapy today. everyones exhausted.

Posted by pilgrim at 7:26 PM | Comments (0)

October 7, 2004

Mae

today i stayd home from sckool. i got the flu
i did go see my T
she sas even if i dont be there she still dose remimber me
i told her dady sas out of site out of minde
i told her nobdy dose think of me if i dont be there rite there
but S// sas thats not the trhuth :) !
her did explaan it to me
some times she sas its hard to explaan things to me becos im littol therres lots i dont no. i go see her
i try to lern
my T her nose lots of stuff that nowon did try to talk to me before.
i saw today her has toys that are new toys. i askt her if other kids come play there asides me. she sas yes. that scars me. bbut S her sas that she got enof caring to go arownd for lots of kids . and that mens me to
that Maeke me feel beter.

Posted by pilgrim at 7:20 PM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2004

I went to Therapy today.

I went to Therapy today.I have missed S so much.. We had a semi-good talk. Of course, I was there as a screen, to give Nobody a break. I go in and talk about dumb stuff like how fat I am....we all know thats a big smokescreen to cover up what really needs to be talked about. ....no one could do it today... things were just too much.i mostly talked about how lonely i am...how I feel like my ex-best friend no longer exists since she hasn't spoken to me since January... my birthday coming up next week, how to handle Mae, who still thinks that people are going to show up for a birthday party (at this point it will only be Imaginary friends like her stuffed bears and the dogs .... i drew pictures of death and cutting the whole time. S said she let me get away with drawing those pictures this time, but not anymore, she wants me to use my words instead.... how do i explain to her that i wasn't even supposed to be the one to be there today, that Nobody chickened out at the last minute?But since I was there, I decided to talk a little bit, even though it was just surface level stuff.... ...its just so important for me to stay numb, how else am I going to function? Everyone else carries the emotions, its not my job....*sigh*
I dont want to FEEL. It isn't my JOB. My job is to keep on functioning. However I have to make that happen.
I'm starting to feel guilty for that though.
Maybe if I wasn't like this, then the others inside wouldn't be ....so much like...that.

Posted by pilgrim at 5:24 PM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2004

Migraines and Sex Hormones, New Drugs for Fibromyalgia

"A small group of Dutch male-to-female sex-change patients may have helped unravel some of the mystery of migraine headaches."

Drug companies are racing to develop drugs for fibromyalgia, a highly debilitating disease that has confounded doctors and plagued patients for years.

Posted by news editor at 8:44 AM

August 17, 2004

Nervous about therapy today.

I went to therapy today.
I was shaking so hard, afraid to face her after what I talked about last time.
But she was nice to me (so confusing). it confuses me so much when people are nice to me... i dont understand it at all. I'm supposed to hang on to what i know... that i am telling the truth.. that I want a better life.
its hard. everyone else inside knows. i think they hate me.no one's talking much these days to teach other. i'm so ashamed. this is all my fault. all this breakdown inside. its all my fault.
nobody

Posted by pilgrim at 5:00 PM | Comments (1)

June 17, 2004

My Brain Hurts

I'm sitting here rubbing my forehead...trying hard to... wrap my mind around things.
"Nobody" went to therapy this morning, and since I wasn't there directly as ME, I can't be positive that I've got all the information right. But this morning in therapy, a conversation went something like this:
Therapist: stated how the different parts are not real people, just parts of me that feel different
Nobody: apparently took offense. defended herself that she IS a real person, that she FEELS like a real person.
inside my head: someone else (probably Missy) stomping around grumbling something along the lines of "like hell I'm not real" and getting angry.
someone else inside just aggravated at people who will never understand, never get it. 5 year old started crying because she wants very much to be seen as real. (AGH!!!)
I think Nobody said something outloud about the therapist just humoring me... something about making everything up. I remember feeling hopeless.
I'm not sure what else was said. I do know my therapist said something about "is this how you want to use your time today?" (arguing about whether or not you're real?"

OK. The thing is, they're NOT real. I mean, I know they THINK they are real. They act as if they are real. I have to act like they're real too, sorta, because I have to live with them. But I KNOW logically that they MUST be just dissociated parts of me... they must all be me somehow, even though it sure doesn't seem like it, even though they HAVE to be... I mean, they can't be real people, right? They don't have their own bodies... just their own minds. Where does one draw the line on what makes one a person?
But they dont feel like me, or act like me, or believe the same things as me. And they act on their own, and would have their own lives if they could, and... they are sure they are real, and...
this just hurts my head.
My therapist.... i just feel sorry for her. she's got one crazy client.
i feel so hopeless and stupid and screwed up.

Posted by pilgrim at 4:15 PM | Comments (0)

June 6, 2004

Therapy

I went into therapy for my eating disorder.
Man, how I wish that's all it had stayed at.
My poor therapist. Little did she know. Little did I know.
At one of my 1st few therapy sessions, I remember her asking me about Time. I told her about how in a store, I'd go look at something for 5 minutes, and my husband would complain that I'd been in there for an hour. My therapist asked me if that happened often.
I already knew what she was asking about...Do you ever lose time?
That was a direction I was too scared to go in. I told her no, I made up some silly excuse, and hoped it wouldn't come up again.
I dont remember a lot of my therapy sessions. I was dissociating so much, disappearing inside myself, especially when it was time to talk about difficult stuff. I'd go in and say hi to my therapist, and next thing I knew, it was time to go, and I had no idea what we'd just been talking about or where the time had gone. I was too scared to say anything.
Meanwhile, at home, I was finding things: drawings--that looked like they'd been done by children. And also beautiful drawings, by someone who obviously could draw. Most of it I didn't remember doing, but it had my name on it, or would be in secret drawers where I kept my private things.I would find things in my closet---- this is almost funny to me now, because its so classic-- I'd find things that I'd bought but didn't remember, that I would NEVER wear. Looking back at my old journals now, I can see different handwritings, dialogues between various people, recurring elements such a black boxes and little girls drawn curled up in a corner. I had incessent conversations and "yelling" in my head. I still didn't mention anything to my therapist, I dont think.
(But then again, I may have--- I remember so little from then.)
I was so afraid of being labeled crazy.
My eating disorder and cutting got worse and worse, and so did my depression. I'm sure I drove my therapist crazy on more than one occassion, trying to figure out what to do with me. I was so afraid to tell her what was going on.
A few years ago though, I decided I had to. Something happened one night that made me decide I'd had enough, and it was time to get help.

Posted by pilgrim at 9:43 PM | Comments (0)