Update
The past month has been sort of tough. We haven't been posting much anywhere. It used to be that when things were hard, we'd reach out to people and post things on message boards or write things here on Healthdiaries, in an effort to find people who could relate, and try to feel less alone. But with the things we're having a tough time with right now, reaching out has felt sort of pointless. I don't mean that in a sarcastic or mean way or anything... just in sorta a checked-in-with-reality kind of way. Things in therapy are really, really hard. The memories that we're dealing with are really, really, beyond hard. They are things that probably there are other people that have been through, but we've yet to find evidence of that. They're things that are hard to bring up in therapy, and when we do, we feel like crawling under a rock or hiding back inside for a week or two. And on the off chance that we do mention what we're going through, no one knows what to say. So we don't bring it up. Its easier to hide and just say everything is fine. At this point, even Missy is having night mares and flashbacks-- and she has always been the tough one.Also, there's stuff going on with our family--that makes a ton of extra stress on us, and we don't handle that very well.
The good thing is, our therapist is great and has been extremely supportive. And the kids have been learning some good things. We've had some changes going on in our life the past week or two which have been challenging and are taking some getting used to, but I am pretty confident that things will work out.
We had a dream about Sharon the other night... again. She ignored us...again. I wish the memory of her, and everything she did that hurt so much, would just go away. I wish we could talk to her one last time. If we could just have some sense of closure, or SOMEthing, you know? We have been trying to pray for her, to see if that helps...so far, that's been a challenge in itself. She never did respond to the email that we sent her several months ago asking if she would send back the things of ours that she still has. Naturally. Its so incredible how something that can get messed up so quickly just out of nowhere. I wish we could understand how she could do something like that. I wish we could understand how she could just hurt us like that, especially knowing what she was doing.
Anyway.
I wish we could just forget her. It hurts too much to remember her at all.
So for now, we are keeping on keeping on-- there are lots of blessings every day-- baby kisses and spring trees blooming and tulips and the way one of our dogs sleeps next to us every night, and rocking the baby to sleep and watching the sunrises and sunsets-- its those things that keep us going.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
