Three Years
This weekend it will be three years since our old therapist, Sharon, dumped us out of nowhere.
It still makes us really sad.
I don't have a lot to say about it... it is still really hard to talk about with words.
But I did want to acknowledge it. There are still a lot of people who read this blog and e-mail us to ask about it.
I think that we would not have made it through this well if our new therapist Kathy hadn't proven herself so amazing and helpful. She has been a real blessing and answer to prayer. The kids just love her.
Losing Sharon was a life-changing event. Its something that I never want to go through again. It was one of the hardest things we ever had happen to us. We never thought we could make it through three days, let alone three years. But looking back now, I can see that there were reasons it happened. There were things we learned. Things I think that God was trying to teach us. I don't think that I can talk about that right now-- maybe someday down the road. Its still too hard. The grief is still too close. The bad dreams are still too frequent. But maybe someday.
We miss her still. Our heart still skips a few beats when we think we see her on the street, when we catch a glimps of a slim person her size with wavy long brown hair, or sunglasses like she had, or a truck or SUV like hers. We still miss so much her hugs, the way she talked, the way she played on the floor or colored with the kids. We don't miss the frustration, the fears of always getting into trouble, of that we might always lose her, of what we were going to do next that might upset her. That was hard.
The way she dumped us was wrong. It was wrong and stupid. Just that out of the blue, one night saying "I'm not going to see you anymore"-- out of nowhere--that was a really lousy way to do it. But really, any way would have been lousy back then. There was no good way. I guess. There would have been better ways though. More ethical ways, more helpful ways. Ways that would have not damaged the kids so much or led to so much more PTSD.
But... it was a long time ago.
What we wouldn't give to be able to talk to her one more time.
Well, the baby is crying and up from her nap, so I better end this for now.
I just wish so much we could see her one more time. There's so much we need to say.
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