Mae

We used to always color with Sharon. In sessions. That was a special thing that Mae always did with Sharon. After Sharon left us, Mae could no longer color anymore. I wrote on here once that last spring she even broke all of her crayons to get rid of them. She didn't even like looking at the crayon aisle anymore at the store, which had always been her favorite aisle because of all the colors.
Well... Mae has started coloring again. Slowly. Two weeks ago DH went on a trip, and as a surprise for something to keep us busy, he left behind a giant Winnie the Pooh coloring book and a new set of colored pencils. We colored for hours. When he came back from his trip, he brought home a brand new Disney Fairies coloring book complete with stickers, and yesterday at Target there were those wonderful 64-set boxes of Crayola Crayons on sale for only $1.70. So we got a box of those and colored for a couple hours yesterday.
Perhaps this is a small step towards healing, I hope.
Mostly, our feelings are turned off all the time. I even had a dream the other night about admitting "I have no feelings anymore." I do keep a happy face on all the time. And I do feel happy sometimes now because I've learned to appreciate the little things in life and I've learned to think more positively. But as far as everything else, I've learned to keep it buried deep down. And Mae is still so deeply hurt by what happened with Sharon that she cannot even talk about it. WE cannot even talk about it, not even inside with each other.
But, at least she's picking up crayons again, and that's a step I think.

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