Getting free of my old life
I am thinking about getting off my medications. I am on three right now. One of them is a sleeping pill. I have been on medications for a long time but none of them have ever worked quite right.Something I am trying to do is separate myself from my old life. I am working on leaving old websites, old chat rooms, old favorite places behind, deleting those files, not hanging around those places anymore. They were not edifying to my life. I deleted them and don't know the addresses. I have closed some of my old personal websites, and am working on closing more when I find them, ones we've created over the years.There have been other unhealthy habits I have been working on giving up. There have been negative people I have stopped hanging around because their negativity is catching. One of the things I feel like I need to try to do is get off my meds next. My medications keep me tied to my psychiatrist, whom I hate visiting. He's a nice guy, but I only see him because he's a friend of my husbands. I still hate answering questions though on how my depression is or how much I'm dissociating. It isn't anyone's business anymore. Those were things I only shared with Sharon, and I don't want to talk about them with anyone else. I feel like visiting every few months with a psychiatrist to talk about my meds and my depression/ DID/PTSD/etc is like going back to visiting my old life. Which I am trying to get free of.
So I have been working on cutting back on my meds a little. It scares me a little bit, because I wonder, how will I ever sleep without them? I have so much anxiety sometimes-- sleeping at night is hard, and the flashbacks can get so bad. But since its summertime and I'm on vacation its the best time to work on learning to sleep on my own. And if it doesn't work, I can still go back on my meds. If its the right thing to do God will give me the strength to do it. I want so much to get away from my old life and into the new life that I'm working on.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
