Massage brought up big feelings
i had a massage today. i get them because my old T used to talk about getting massages was one of the ways she took care of herself.
i miss sharon so much.
today was so hard. the massage lady got to my arms and hands. sharon used to hold my hands. mae used to hold onto sharon's hands to feel safe. i miss having a hand to hold. i miss feeling safe. i miss sharon so much. i miss her hugs. i miss having someone show me compassion. i miss having a shoulder to cry on. i need to talk to her so bad, mae misses her so much that she has been crying quite a bit at night lately. I wish I could call her to tell her about my good work evaluation. i don't know why i'm crying so hard. this is stupid. i just miss her and her office so much. i don't know if i'll ever see her again. i have been having dreams about her, always turning away from me, or waiting for her to show up somewhere and she doesn't come like she said she would. I still have bad dreams about how she got me in her office that last night and how she looked down at me and said "I'm done." I want to just forget.
My hands are aching.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
My heart is hurting so badly with you. I'm praying, too!