I might have helped someone
The other night I was at a support group which I have attended on and off since 1999. Its changed a lot over the years. I've seen people come and go...including friends I used to have. The group dynamics change so much every time there are new people. There's an ebb and flow to the group which I suppose is natural to every group which changes over time. Of course I have a hard time with change.There's a part of me that wishes the group had the same girls, the same energy, that it had the 1st time we walked in there back in 1999. But at the same time I know it wouldn't be good. There have been a lot of people come and go, and its natural, and I know that.
There are a nice group of girls there now. They are all new. I am the only old person there (old as in, from 8-9 years ago, and I'm the oldest in age. There are girls as young as high school as well.)
The other night one of the girls walked out at the end of the group. She looked upset. I wanted to follow her but at that moment my phone rang as well-it was my sister who wanted to talk to me, so I walked out as well.
I was in the parking lot on the phone and saw this other girl sitting on the front steps of the building. How I remember those steps so well. I sat on them a lot, many times after group. I had sat there sometimes after walking out of group, upset, hoping someone would follow me and asking me if I needed to talk. The steps are out of the way a little, but still close enough to the front door so that people leaving group can see you sitting there...close enough for someone to see you and ask, "Are you okay?"
So I saw her sitting there...she had that "look" about her that I used to have... I don't even know how to explain. Like she was so tired and so lonely but had nobody. So I got off the phone and asked her if she needed to talk. Long story short, we sat and talked for a long time. She even seemed relieved. Turns out that she really needed someone to sit and listen to her. We talked for quite a while. I did some of my "active listening" stuff that Sharon had taught me in therapy. We might get together to do some things that we have in common. For her privacy, I won't say anything else about it here, but she mentioned some things that she liked to do and asked me if I liked doing any of those things. Both our schedules are booked for this weekend but hopefully the weekend after that we can get together. She is quiet and shy like I am but she's also nice and we have some things in common. I hope that she will be in group this week again. We have each other's phone numbers.
I have learned a great deal of things about friendship over the years--mostly what NOT to do-- and I've been reading some books on friendship-- and I've learned a great deal more in the past 5 months about how to treat people and not treat people and since I've been so alone I've been praying a great deal and learning things.... I have not written anything about them because they are deeply personal. So maybe if I can slowly start making friends with people maybe I can do better this time. At any rate, even if a friendship with this girl doesn't develop, maybe I was a blessing in her life that day by being there for her.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
I agree that you were a blessing to her. Just like I said, you may have saved her life that night by keeping her there, talking. God is using you. Changing you. I really believe that healing is coming.
Love,
Your Sis
"maybe I was a blessing in her life that day by being there for her."
most definitely. good job!