Inside Kids are really Struggling
The title says it all. The inside kids are having a really hard time still. After our transition session with our old therapist last week, I got to talk, and I read a letter that we all helped write. But they really need to talk to her too in person. She said she would help, and so that if the kids need to talk to her, we could do that through our DID therapist. Well since then, the kids are coming up with all sorts of things that the want to say to her. They have all these strong feelings coming up about the ending of therapy. They have been trying hard to deal with everything for the past 2 months. And its been so much on their shoulders. They were hurt really badly. That is one of the hard things that I think most people don't realize about when you have a relationship with a multiple. When you end it, you don't just break up with the 1 person. You leave a whole bunch of broken relationships behind and might just be leaving a bunch of little broken hearts.
I've been doing and saying everything that Sharon would say to the kids. Doing and saying everything that a parent or nice adult would say to the kids. But tonight the kids need to hear it from Sharon herself I guess. There are things they need to talk over with her and hear straight from her. Its not working with me saying "Well I think that Sharon would say...." or "I'm sure that she meant...." When the person you need to talk to isn't there, all the stand- ins in the world don't make much of a difference.
My heart feels so heavy. I want to fix everything for them. I want them to not hurt so much.
On the positive side even though I had a hard day, I cooked for myself twice today. I've never done that before. Its kind of cool because that's like, what a real grown up would do. I'm still sticking to my meal plan even on days that are hard.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Well, I can't agree with you more. I know when Stephanie was gone, it was very traumatic and we didn't handle it quite as well -- we attempted suicide TWICE. Of course, it didn't end with her being willing to continue helping us either. It was like -- we're done, don't call me kind of thing. It was horrible for Lora because she's 11 and just didn't understand it. But she is doing fine now with the new T. Time makes it easier...unfortunately, it just takes a long time.
Audry - from Katie
an awesome suggestion from anna, especially since it seems that sometimes not everyone gets a chance in therapy to have their say.
if the little kids are able to write down or draw pictures of what they need to say when you do get a chance to meet with sharon again it will ensure that those that need to say something are sure to have their turn. and that even if they aren't then sharon can still respond. and then that can be shared.
Hi
I'm really impressed with the way you are handling things at this difficult time...
Some ideas I've found useful for my own inner kids:
If they have things they want to ask Sharon, get them to write these down or tape-record them or even draw a picture and put it in a special box.
If you, as the adult, know that you have a means of passing these things on to Sharon and getting a response then you can promise the kids to do this every so often (e.g. once every two weeks) IF you feel happy to do so.
If you don't have a means of passing the box to Sharon, or you decide that it's best for all concerned to have a clean break from her (for example, if you start to feel that you or the kids are dangerously dependent on her again and that this is interfering with your newfound sense of strength and independence) then you can tell the kids that you're not sure when we'll be able to pass the things on. But you can promise them that it's very important that they are in that special box which you can all look at again later or whenever you want to and see where else you might get some answers if not from Sharon.
I hope this is helpful. I've got flu at the moment and this always makes me more dissociative, so I hope this makes sense! Thinking of you.