Confused and lost
I can't say much right now. Words escape me.
Today our old therapist wrote us a letter explaining that its still a definite no that she won't be seeing us again. That she won't even do a transition session with the inside kids. They are feeling very betrayed and angry and lost. They loved her. Yet she won't even talk to them so they can have some closure with her. Of course, all her reasons sounded good-if you're a grown up who is a therapist and wanting someone to suffer the consequences of their actions.
Explain that to a bunch of kids who are all under 10.
They are so confused and feeling betrayed and lost and hopeless.
We are numb.Betrayed. Confused. We loved her. She has abandonded us again. Worse than leaving me, she abandoned the kids, leaving them no hope for closure. She has hurt them again. Worse than before.
Yes, I ate lunch anyway. We are not going to have a relapse just because of this. That would prove Sharon right.
It doesn't help any that I have the flu and my defenses are low. I feel so sick. Can't go to work for at least another day, another day at home contemplating our past and our lost therapist, the loss of yet another person we loved.
We lost everyone we love. And its all our fault.
I hate myself so much.
Maybe our old friends were right, and Sharon is right, and they all were right, to leave us.
I guess the worst part is taht she won't even meet with the kids. They were hoping. They're little. At least give them a break, for once.
We're not going to trust anyone anymore.
We cancelled with the DID T. She wasn't right for us to begin with, but we were going to stick it out a little longer in case Sharon would meet with the kids at her office. But since she isnt going to do that, then there's no point in making the kids go somewhere they are not comfortable and making us drive through inner-city traffic during rush hour and waste gas and put the wear and tear on our car. So we told the DID T goodbye.
We're going to just stick with the Art therapist, because we at least like to paint, and we can produce some good art in the mean time.
Dear Sharon,
We loved you so much. We loved you and trusted you, and you abandoned us like everyone else. We're so sorry you decided to do that, because you said you wouldn't, and you did anyway. We're so disappointed in you.
We're so disappointed in this world. Not that the way this world is a surprise.
We always said that animals were better than people.
We're never going to trust people again.
And you're sitting there thinking, "Well, that's your choice."
Yep you're right.
You could have helped us so much. You could have helped the kids so much.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
I wish you would give others a chance. There is someone out there who can help you. Or maybe they come to you as someone who needs you. Keep your eyes open. God has not forgotten about you!
Your thinking is really distorted.