i think it's one of the hardest things to grasp as an adult. the difference between a lie and good intentions.

most children don't understand how their parents made the choices they did until they have children of their own. it's a perspective in life that you have to experience. you can't imagine how you'd do it better.

and a big part of understanding that is that even though we are brought up to believe that adults know everything or know best it's simply not true.

adults do the best with the information that they have at that moment. thus the saying "hindsight is 20/20" or "if i knew then what i know now".

somethings you just can't know until you are there and then what you thought was the truth 5 years or even a day ago suddenly seems so naive.

i honestly believe that your old T was telling you the truth when she said that you would outgrow her. and if she had known then what she knows now about the complexity of your diagnosis, of the limitation of her skills, she would have told you something different.

i have no doubt that caroline, at one point, told all the kids that she would never leave. circumstances change. life is fluid. and we as humans have been given the greatest gift of all, the ability to be flexible, to learn from our past and to grow.

i know this to be true because i've lived it. if i had asked my mother if should would ever leave my father and the abusive relationship that she was in she would have adamantly said no. i have no doubt about this. yet the next day, one not so remarkable day, that is exactly what she did. because that day the truth that she had know for the last 20 years suddenly was not the truth anymore. was she lying to herself? some may argue that. but i believe that she lived the truth she was capable of living up until that moment. and until she had new information, that truth was the truth. when she was given new information, the truth as she had known it to that day, had changed. and she had to change with it.

the world is much more fluid than you realize, pilgrim. no one, no matter how much education they have, has all the answers. everyday we learn new things that help us to make different choices. everyday you learn new things that help you to move forward.

it's not a lie, it's just the next day.

That comment by Anonymous was way out of line. Ignore them it was cold. You have all the right you want to feel the way you all feel. It is hard losing someone you love and trust. Especially when it is so hard to trust. It will take time your day will come where you all will be happy again. Trust in God.

I am in a type of Christian therapy called trauma resolution. I got very attached to a destructive therapist and it almost cost me my life (I OD'd twice). Part of trauma resolution is making sure you do not get unnaturally bonded or attached to the therapist because that therapist is not meant to be there in your life forver and ever, but just for the time being until healing comes. No one can say how long that is for anyone and yet it seems that therapists sometimes want to drag it out to line their pockets or for whatever reason. 8 years with one therapist and seeing no real progress is not successful therapy in my opinion either. And my therapist does not make me wait for a week to see her. I have a 3 hour appointment once a week and then if I need to see her every day that week (and she even came in on Sunday to see me yesterday) then she does that. And if I'm having a hard time, she has me call and do check-ins with her for a few mins just to say I'm okay today. Pilgrim sounds like she needs more than once a week of more intensive therapy and it might move her along quicker. Sounds like she needs a daily check-in to look forward to and someone to just say "you can do it today. Everything is going to be okay." Ultimately, that's all I want from my therapist too on some days.

I know it's very, very hard, but I think what jax says is true. Did you ever tell Sharon that you'd do something then not follow through? I'm not suggesting you feel guilty about this, and I don't think your ex-T should feel guilty either. We are all only human and it's a shame that, in therapy, you can feel as if the T has all the power and therefore feel dependent on them to change or rescue you. Over time you will realise that the only person who can change or rescue you is you, and I believe that the way to get there is not any kind of 'boot camp' but it is, instead, being truly compassionate to yourself, realizing that this is a very imperfect world....
I became homeless at the weekend, no fault of my own, someone on my street has mental health problems and is very scary and drove me and some other neighbours out. I too feel abit lost as I look for a new home, new friends etc - I am posting this to you from an internet library where I'm just checking my mail etc and I hope that, at least, shows that there are people in the world who care about you like jax and me. I am not underestimating your losses either by saying that but you haven't lost everything.

I just stumbled upon this website because I was looking for some information on DDNOS. Your post really touched me. I have been seeing my psych for almost 8 years and if she was to go away I don't know what I'd do. You sound like you are trying so hard to cope in a healthy and constructive way and take care of your inside kids- I really admire you for that because I'm not sure that I would be able to do the same under the circumstances. I just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you and my heart reaches out to you.

I just stumbled upon this website because I was looking for some information on DDNOS. Your post really touched me. I have been seeing my psych for almost 8 years and if she was to go away I don't know what I'd do. You sound like you are trying so hard to cope in a healthy and constructive way and take care of your inside kids- I really admire you for that because I'm not sure that I would be able to do the same under the circumstances. I just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you and my heart reaches out to you.