You've got to find another T that you like and maybe could trust. You're overwhelmed and exhausted, scared and depressed. I don't know why your T left you, and I don't know why you don't like the new T, but you have to have someone that the kids trust, someone to draw them out. Or maybe you all could give the new T another chance. Cause, really, anyone at that point would have been rejected- everyone was still too shocked and upset about what happened with the old T.

I hope everyone cheers up a little.

Hello

It's hard to know what advice to post in this situation...and I've been posting replies quite a lot lately and don't want to hog the comments field!

Can you tell the kids inside that you are the driver? It wasn't your old T driving, and it won't be the new T. All they can do is sit beside and offer help with directions, company, pointing out warning signs etc in the hope that one day you'll get used to it. I think it was a mistake of your old T not to tell you how far you'd come in those eight years...

Maybe if you can comfort the inner kids that you're not without a driver, you will feel a bit stronger. Take the road very slowly, be careful whom you let jump in the passenger seat, wisely notice your fears and keep checking your fellow passengers are okay.

Love and good luck

Anna and all

it really does sound like the little kids feel punished and are now even moving into punishing themselves, denying themselves toys and the things that make them happy.

it's important to remind them that they didn't do anything wrong and they are not being punished. that sometimes adults make decisions that we don't understand. that make us sad. but we have to trust that, in the end, this will be the right decision to move along to the next steps of recovery.

i wonder what your first few meetings with sharon were like? i think probably it wasn't immediately easy. the few of you that were out were probably very uncertain about the decision to see her. maybe you were even scared? and maybe felt that you had done something wrong that you had to go see a T every week?

with time it got better.

i think your dream is trying to show you that you can do this.

at first you had a small car, just a few of you out but still removed from where you needed to be to make the care work properly and be safe. with time, you did learn to cooperate and trust your T and in your dream to drive that car and the dream went away.

now the car is much bigger and scarier because there are more of you outside. you have a new T. someone who you don't trust yet. there are more of you to control and more opinions to accommodate. but today you have more coping skills then you had when you had the old dream. you have practiced working together very hard. you know how to work together so that everyone can have something that is important to them.

maybe the dream is trying to show you that you can do this. it's a bit more complicated. it's a bigger problem to solve. but you can do it. you have been cooperating and working together for a long time. you have the skills. you just have to trust yourself to get past the fear and use the skills that you've learned.

YOU CAN DO THIS. and soon this dream will go away because YOU solved the problem.

ACTUALLY (everyone asks this) the 1st appt with our T , 8 years ago, was great.... we were happy to have someone young and pretty and cool. We didn't want to go to therapy, but we did feel an instant connection with our T. We couldn't wait to go back to see her the next time.

Hey Pilgrim, I have not responded to your blog even though I read it fairly often because well, I never felt like you liked me for some reason when I did respond. I have DID too. Anyway, I did want to tell you that I CAN COMPLETELY understand this. My T did the same exact thing. I had only seen Stephanie for 8 months, but she did the whole "trust me, I'll never leave, you can trust me thing" and then she did that very thing. She told me if I ever self-injured, she'd be done with me. I hadn't. I did everything she said. I even spent thousands of dollars traveling to a DID hospital in DC because she wanted me to go. There was nothing she didn't ask of me that I didn't do...and yet, in the end, she dumped me anyway. I was so devastated that I overdosed -- twice. The first time I ended up on life support. I did it again 6 week slater. The second time she found me in her office waiting room unconscious and told my husband she was going to call the police on me. This woman I trusted with my secrets was going to call the POLICE ON ME? She didn't -- my husband had her call 911 and they took me to the hosp. where I had to drink charcoal and talk my way out of being sent to a mental hosp. (and I did)

But now I have been with a new T since August. At first I didn't like her at all and she admittedly did not know all that much about DID even though she was a trauma T. But looking back, I see how much progress I have made. With S, I only seriously went down hill. The little ones trusted her and told her things that had never been said to anyone...
but I can now clearly see how much my new T has helped me and brought me to a true healing. I can't describe the diff. it has made to find someone who truly cares for me. I got a job, I enrolled in school. Life is good again and I can see that now. It took time. It wasn't immediate, but it happened.
I guess I am just telling you to give it some time. I cried for weeks and weeks after Stephanie dumped me. It was my absolute worst fear when being in therapy and it happened. But sometimes things have a way of working out for the better. I know it's hard to see now, but it will be okay.

This is my first time on this blog and I really like the content ; ) Have you guys checked out thedailyskinny.com yet? It's mainly for healthy weight loss, but they also get into some great nutrition and exercise advice.