Maybe I can't trust my therapist anymore :(
So upset.
I'm down a long long tunnel spaced out so its hard to write.
this is jo.
i'm so disappointed and let down and feeling so worried and sick inside.
went back to therapy tonight after 3 weeks
supposed to be good right? so much to talk about.
1st 98% of the session went ok. our Therapist seemed normal.
ooohed and aaahed over family pictures from christmas, acted nice. ACTED. ACTED like she was glad to see me.
at the end time to go she drops a bomb on me
she wants my husband to come to next session
why? i ask.
she wont tell me
WHY? what's UP?
she won't tell me-- not going to tell you now w/out him here and its time to go home
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME AT THE BEGINNING OF SESSION?
not going to talk about it now
WHAT?
she wanted his phone number and maybe he could come next week
oh no not waiting til next week for this to hang over my head. so at least she put us down for thursday. he has to take off work early. shit.
she refused to tell me why or about what she wants to meet with us both for. she wouldn't say anything.
then says she doesn't know if she can see me next week or the week after either because of her schedule being messy
THEN says her schedule is going to be changing
by then i was a basket case
i told her YOU KNOW that i just got done telling you how i am already worried sick about things coming up with work next week and how i'm sick to pieces over things going on so NOW you are adding this to the pile too?
she said, "I'll see you Thursday."
I said, "I HATE IT when I can't trust you."
She said, "I know."
i didn't even give her a hug on the way out like usual and the kids had been aching for a hug so had I and so had mae been especially
I don't understand
1)what she wants to meet with us about together
2) why she acted like that at the end? was the whole "being nice" during the rest of the session a trick?
I feel like I can't trust her anymore.
3) why would she DO that, add more on which she knows is going to make me worried sick when we just got done telling her how we have all these heavy things going on that are making us worried sick and we're barely functioning and i'm just ready to give in and i don't know what to do and things HAVE to get better?
4)why didn't she just say something at the beginning of the session instead of drop a bomb at the end when she KNOWS things like that make us really upset??
i tried calling someone twice on the way home but couldn't leave messages even, i tried calling my sister, she thinks its about my weight, my husband says worrying isn't going to help anything.
Worse than worrying about all that is the fact of how my T ACTED. What HAPPENED? Did I do something wrong? Say something? What is going ON?
And why would she DO that? We can't trust her anymore!
What if her schedule changes bad and she can't see us anymore? We didn't even get a chance to ask her. She was all of a sudden rushing us out.
I'm not handling it ok at all. Things have been going pretty bad at work. My resources are low.
I can't handle another thing. I need to disappear and get away.
Not safe at all. I can't do it anymore.
we were looking forward to seeing her tonight so much.
I cant trust anyone.
i dont know what to do.
:(
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
this really sucks jo. i wish she would have been more up front with you. your husband is right though, fretting about it isn't going to make it better and isn't going to make thursday come faster.
try, and i know it's very hard, but try not to think of the worst. maybe she's thinking of increasing your sessions now that caroline is gone. maybe she realizes that you need more support and not less.
i went through many years where if someone said "i need to talk to you" or "we have to have a meeting" that i automatically jumped to the most negative possible scenario there was. but it's not always negative. and alot of times it's actually positive.
try. i know it's hard. but otherwise you're going to worry yourself sick.
i'll be crossing my fingers and toes.
jax
Hey Jo
I don't think this a fair way to behave at all. Therapy is supposed to be about you and totally private.
If you ever wanted your therapist to meet your H, or you wanted joint counselling, that would be for her to suggest to you or for you to raise.
Have you at any point consented for your T to contact your H in emergencies or in any other circumstances? these things are usually contracted at the very beginning of therapy?
If your T turns out to be someone who betrays your trust, you WILL nevertheless get through it with your inner strength.
You know, at that point, I just might have said, "Look, stop playing cat and mouse with me and tell me what the hell you're talking about. This is a service I pay for and I want to know what it is." It sounds cruel and like she was deliberately trying to provoke you and make you feel like shit. I think the way she did this was horrible.
I'm so sorry. I hope it turns out better than you think.