Just still in shock over therapist abandonment
Time is going by so slow. It feels like we're moving through molasses. Still no sleep and not much food inside.. Inside kids just cry and cry. Even though I take sleeping pills, I can't sleep still-they're not working. Barely eating. We just can't believe our therapist ditched us. She tried to get us to believe that she was safe. I feel so jaded, so foolish, so afraid. Eating is nearly impossible because my stomach hurts so bad. The inside kids keep crying, "we just want Sharon" no matter how I try to comfort them. Nothing works. I'm exhausted.
Everything feels hopeless.
It feels like I am just too much of a hopeless case for anyone to ever help. Things feel worse of than before we started therapy 8 years ago.
We put away a bunch of things that we made over the years for therapy.Things that reminded us of all the hard work we did-- projects, artwork, because the kids would start to cry all over again when they'd once again realize they've been left by another person. That someone else will be in their spot, take their place, touch their toys in there, be hugging THEIR T.
She said "Its because I care so much that I'm doing this." "I failed" "This is hard for me too". But what keeps giving us the nightmares is her saying "I'm not going to see you any more " and "I'M DONE." The part where her heart turned off and she said, "I'm done." She just dumped us. It makes my heart ache so bad I can feel it through my whole body.
We keep trying to remember her saying, "I'll miss you too" and how she said she'll never forget us. We keep trying to remember her saying "I love you too" when we gave her 1 last hug.
But right now that "I'm done" and the 'never see you again".... it overpowers and makes the whole world look like its ending.
i want to feel better. i do.
After 8 years. this just feels hopeless right now.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
i just want sharin i need her so bad i do cry and cry i did try so hard to be good her lev me eneway i just need sharin her promist her wudnt leve me her did eneywa :(
lo mae, din no u pos ere. tis lil anna wiv big anna wot is typin. jo an pilgrim is big gerls an loves u. not lik their t thay wont brake promiss to look affer u always. big anna sez wot u hav for breakfast? i jus had toast an a mango! we luv u too
jo, i know that it is painful to look at your therapy projects but i wonder if putting them away isn't telling the little kids that they are to blame.
it's hard to explain to little kids that they didn't do anything wrong. kids automatically internalize when bad things happen.
But it is the truth. they didn't do anything wrong or bad. you didn't do anything wrong.
your T just didn't have the education and training to help you any further. this isn't something that she could have known eight years ago when you first met her. it's taken time for her to realize the depth of help that you all needed. i believe she wants the best for you, she just didn't do this in the best way.
perhaps a better way for her to do this was to use a transition period, an introduction to a new, recommended and trusted therapist that was her mentor, maybe even a time for co-counselling. maybe you or your husband can talk to her about whether this is possible. that maybe putting a plan in place would help alleviate the stress and anxiety. your T did say she would go to the first appointment once you found a new T .. maybe she would be willing to do a bit more to help the transition.
if the projects have any good memories attached to them, i would strongly encourage you to bring them back out of hiding. it will help the little kids to feel the connection still and see all of the progress that THEY made. these are good things and they shouldn't be forgotten or hidden away.
i'm thinking about you and send hugs to everyone.
jax
your answer and hope.
DON'T FORGET
Don't forget about freedom.
Don't forget about an earnest wish.
Don't forget about wild flowers
and above all, don't forget about peace,
about children's laughter,
about justice finally established,
about a lover's kiss,
about music, about dance,
about poetry and
about infinite flight.
Don't forget about a smile,
about the silence
of a beautiful picture,
about the crystal of a cascade
and the rumor of an angel's wings.
Don't forget about dreams
and especially, don't forget about hope.
TERESINKA PEREIRA
Dear Mae, I am so sad for you that Sharon broke her promise. It's just not fair. You didn't do anything wrong; Sharon was wrong to break her promise. I believe she still loves you, but thinks you will do better with someone else. Sometimes T's get too fond of someone and it makes it too hard to help them because they want to make everything better. They can't fix it all, even though they want to.
you are in my thoughts and i am sorry that all of you are going through this ...
{{{safe hugs}}} for when you need them
I'm so sorry about all that... I hope it's one of those really bad things that turn out for the best eventually...I don't know what else to say...
Just try to be strong!
Kat.
Of course it feels hopeless right now. Feeling betrayed doesn't leave much room for hope. It's hard to believe right now, but the hopelessness is not forever. This, too, shall pass, even though it's impossible to believe that right now. So, I'll believe it for you. I am still just so so so sorry for this having happened to all of you.