Without Carolineine
I'm just so lonely and far away from everyone. I need Carolineine to talk to. I feel like I'm doing so many things wrong. I don't want to make any decisions while she's not here. It feels so strange without the adults around. Especially her. It doesn't really matter much that some of the others aren't around. They did things like clean the house and balance the checkbook and do adult things. But Carolineine was the one that made sure we talked right, made the right decisions, acted right,remembered to take our meds, things like that. Without her, everything just feels wrong. And lonely. I need to talk to our therapist so bad. I don't see her until Thursday and that's so far away. I'm so fat, gross, and overweight and filled with flashbacks and so much on my mind. I've been trying to distract my own mind and the kids the past few days. We have had some fun over Thanksgiving break watching movies with our husband and spending time with him like going on hikes and going to the store. It isn't fair for him, he has to put up with far too much from us. And I've tried to have things more balanced this past week. We've worked some on Carolineine's projects. And played some games, took some naps, did some artwork, did some projects, read some books, laid around watching some movies, watched endless stupid videos on youtube, exercised, went for some walks, fell asleep on the floor with the dogs a few times, colored some pictures. Its been more balanced and that's a big goal to meet. But without everyone inside here, it doesn't feel right at all.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
hi jo.
no idea what to say. but we are thinking of you and hoping that somehow something changes/shifts soon to give you some help dealing with everything. noticing your strength and willingness to step up with respect. i hope that things get a little easier for you soon.
irini
i wish i could say that i understand how alone you must feel, jo. i've been trying but the only time i think i've felt close to how you feel now is when my grandmother died. we had a very special relationship. she understood me in a way that others didn't, still don't.
but even though that memories helps me to understand what you are feeling, i know that i had my parents around me to help me cope with the loss and the feeling of emptiness.
it sounds like you are doing a really great job even though you are feeling overwhelmed. you did a lot of things even had some fun.
even without caroline, you are keeping things together. trust yourself .. YOU CAN DO THIS!!