edited. no comments dissing my therapist please. she was talking about her feelings because i specifically asked her to, which is something we do, and it helps me a lot, because no one in my family ever talked about their feelings, and i am trying to learn how to deal with it.
thank you though for your concern.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I am a young woman living with DID as well and I'd love to keep in touch with you if you'd like. I just thought I would let you know I'm out here.

Take care,
we

www.jessiehspeaks.blogspot.com

sometimes being there just has to be enough. try to stop comparing yourself to some ideal of perfection that doesn't really exist. mothers everywhere are feeling what you are feeling and most of them had alot more preparation to take on their roles.

you can only do what you can do, jo. and the fact that you ARE here says amazing things about you as a person. you could have run away too but you didn't. you are here, trying to help.

i don't know what happened to the other adults. i hope they come back but not because i don't think you can handle it, but because i hope for you that more important people in your life don't abandon you.

and finally i want to say something about your therapist. sometimes people are sad not because of what others are doing or not doing but because of what they can't do. i wonder if your therapist is feeling sad because as a professional she is supposed to have the answers to help you but she doesn't know what the answer is. and maybe she knows that this is just going to be more work for you, not an easy solution.

hang in there, jo! YOU CAN DO THIS! i read in your posts the strength that you have. and even though you can't feel it today, i believe that it is there.

one day at a time.

jax

Why do you need to hear "Good Job". Are the people that aren't saying it any better than you are? Do you really think that there is anyone better than you? You don't really need to hear those words, do you? Just do the best you can and that's enough. We all go through periods where we feel that we aren't doing things right. Don't worry about it. And please don't try to hold yourself up to some imagined standard of perfection that is only real in your own mind. We are exactly what we are. Nothing more. Nothing less. Give yourself a break :)
Take it easy on yourself.

I've suffered from depression for most of my life. I'm 40 now. I take meds to keep the chemicals as balanced as possible but the rest is totally up to me. Don't think of what you don't have, but think of what you do have.

I heard a really good line on an old "Father Knows Best" radio program the other day. It really touched me (all the way from the 50's). Here it is:

"Just think of how happy you would be if you lost everything you had...... And then got it all back".

Think about that and it's easy to see that you do have a life that's worth living!

And even if you had absolutely nothing, you still have your life, which is a very precious gift in itself.

Don't ever give up! Just be yourself every day and do the best you can. No one could expect more of you.

Bill

Hey Jo,
Have you heard of the 'bad tapes'? These are recordings that play in your head, things other people told you but that you can't turn off. One way of checking if you are listening to 'bad tapes' is to change "I" into "you". For example, when you said in this post:
"I wish I could just curl up in a ball and disappear." this becomes "I wish you could just ...disappear". Another example: "all I'm doing is saying all the wrong things, doing the wrong things, saying stupid things, or screwing something up." This would change to "all you are doing is saying all the wrong things, doing the wrong things, saying stupid things, or screwing something up."
Hopefully you can see by this that the messages that you are giving yourself are very negative.

It's YOU (not your therapist, not your husband, friends etc.) who have the power to turn off the "bad tapes". It's your personal power.
It takes real practice and hard work at the beginning but can be marvellous.... and if you like your readers here can remind you when it sounds like you're just playing a "bad tape" instead of thinking for yourself and letting you be you. Your therapist might help you do this too.

Here, you could change your thinking, for example:
"I wish I could just curl up in a ball and disappear." Change to: "I do deserve to be here and even if it makes me anxious, I'm doing okay".
Another example:
"all you are doing is saying all the wrong things, doing the wrong things, saying stupid things, or screwing something up."
Change to:
"I am doing my best, I make mistakes but everyone's only human. If I feel I've messed up, I forgive myself and think maybe I'll do better next time."

GOOD LUCK Jo.

Dear Jo

I am replying here to your most recent post, because I couldn't find a 'comments' space for that one. If this is because you no longer want comments, I hope you can just delete this post and no offence caused I promise!

Who set your target weight 20 years ago. Not you, I guess, because you're only 17? I'm a bit confused...

You sound very positive about your achievement and that's good. I just hope your target weight wasn't too low, but if you're happy and your nutritionist and therapist haven't commented then probably it's just fine?

It's a wonderful thing to set goals and hold on to your dreams for what you REALLY want in your heart of hearts. Trouble is, it can take ages to know what this is - I focused for ages on looking a certain way or having certain things before I realized that what I needed was love and trust and a place to put my anger and sadness. I used to perservere, like you, getting the look I wanted or the things I wanted. I can use that same determination to find love and trust etc now, I just need my friends to tell me I'm doing okay sometimes.

I know from reading your other posts that your family visits are enormously stressful for you but that you like to see your sister who can't visit you. I hope it all goes well.

Why does your head feel it's going to explode? Can you take a long bath or a long walk or do some art to help out with this feeling.

Hopefully you know we care about you and like reading whatever it is you want to share.

Kestrel's carer (with little ones)

I can't tell anyone what my goal weight was, because my nutritionist would probably kill me if she knew it.

My goal weight puts me about 25 pounds underweight. But I still look too fat.

We set our goal weight back in about 1987. I was around then. I just haven't gotten any older since then.

i dont feel like explaining any of this to anybody.

i put the "no comments" setting OFF on some posts because I don't want ANY comments about them.

Hi Jo

Okay, thanks for replying.

You take care and keep strong in the knowledge that others DO care about you, whatever your weight, as the lovely email from Kat shows. Your words are weighty and that's a GOOD thing.

Kestrel