We had to miss some work, but we're better now. October is always a really hard month for all of us for a lot of reasons. I just don't want to get into it tonight. I want to say something good that I did today.
Last night was a really really hard session with my therapist. I talked about something that was really hard for me. My therapist said I was brave. That kind of made me feel better.
Today I had something else to go to instead of work. And I was someplace on my own where I didn't know anybody. I had a lunch that Carolineine had packed for us, our usual peanut butter sandwich and stuff. But I wanted to find something more interesting, so I went to a Denny's that was nearby.
And I was looking at the menu and starting to chicken out and I was about to just leave. Because it just was way too much all of a sudden. I HATE to go out to eat. And I never ever ever go to eat by myself. And sit down in a restaurant?! no freaking WAY. So i was about to get up but then i remembered how my therapist said last night i was brave for talking... so i made myself sit. And the waitress came and i ordered a chicken sandwich. for myself. I was even really polite to her even though i was so nervous. And I made myself sit there and eat and look at a magazine and i sat there for half an hour. in an actual restaurant by myself.
i did it, even though it is october, too.
Another thing that we have all been doing a lot is artwork and collages. We're making an art journal instead of a written journal. Being artsy is helping some.
The nightmares about October and all the bad stuff that happened and everything, are still going on and are still hard, but i think that maybe this year we are being a little braver.