Stuffing things down
We have only a few days until we go visit family which is the most stressful time of the year. The only reason we go is because its the only way to see our sister, who wont come here to visit. So we have just a few days to get ready to go. Something really big is going on in therapy right now... us adults don't know exactly what but apparently the kids know and just won't tell, or cant tell, or don't want to tell. But whatever it is, it also FEELS big. It feels like our therapist is really helping hard with something, and it feels like something big is being accomplished-- we just don't know WHAT it is. However for some reason its also making Mae completely mental. I dont know why. And I can't figure out how to help her.None of us know what to do with her at this point. Apparently 1 of our friends helped her last night by sending some magic fairy dust through the air waves and helped Mae get to sleep, thank goodness (now why didn't we think of that?) Other than that, Mae's been completely whiny.
Its driving me crazy. I dont know what to do. I have so much I need to do and talk about too... and I have to keep waiting my turn, and I have to keep stuffing everything inside more and more. But I dont feel equipped to handle this anymore, well really I never did in the 1st place, I'm only 17. Its not like I'm Carolineine, she's in her 30s and she's a teacher. But even she doesn't know what to do with Mae a lot of the time. But I'm the 1 who has the best connection with the inside kids, and Mae doesn't even want me around right now.
I have to figure out how to stuff things down farther inside. I HAVE to. I have to figure out how to get through the next couple of weeks. I have to make my own stuff just GO AWAY. Whatever it takes.Make my heart turn into a rock or disappear or just curl up on the couch or disappear or sleep all the time inside or just whatever. Because I can't take this anymore and I cant get the help I need.
jo
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
We do it because we love our sister and her kids more than anything in the world. She won't come here so we go there. Its hard because of all the hard stuff it brings up... but if the mountain won't come to Mohommad, you know....
sorry for whining so much. i'm such an idiot.
nobody
You are not an idiot. What can be wrong with loving your sister so much? She is very lucky to have you.
Maia
Well i can't judge, maybe your sista is badly disabled or something and can't get to your place. But you have your own hurts and all your inner kids have the right not to have them inflamed again by going back to a place they don't want to go. Your sista can know you love her even if your strong and don't go home, she will just know you love yourself too.
Nobody, didn't hear you whining but feel free.
I often read your site and know you don''t need my advise, but -
what would you really lose if you don't go home??
What would you really lose if you do go home?
You have choices. Sounds like your sister has made hers.