Therapy
Agh.
Mae screwed up tonight. All of us adults screwed up tonight. Everything in the world is our fault, we can't do anything right. THat about sums up our evening in therapy.
Its been a long day.
Everything sucks, no one's going to like us until we can get ourselves together. Carolineine says that people should like you and accept you for who you are... but you know what? In the real world, thats a fucking bunch of bullshit. In the world I live in, no ones going to like us or love us until we are all working together and perfect and doing everything exactly right.
Meanwhile, Carolineine got more accolades at work and people absolutely LOVE her.
I don't think we can post the article...we'd like to. But too many people have probably read it (thousands) , and it would be very hard to hide enough details to keep our privacy. Sorry though. People would probably see it here and someone might think, "gosh that sounds awfully familiar..." and go track down our name and place of work in the article.
Some days its just not worth it to chew through the restraints.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Congrats on the article!
Even if we can't read it
I'm sure it's very good...A proof of how much people like you (all of you even if they don't know you all)
but some days it is worth to chew through the restraints.
thinking of you all ...
I've been reading all of your posts the past few days, and I just wanted to say... Thank you. And give you all a hug. (Those that would accept one from a stranger, anyway.) Reading your site has helped me so much with issues I'm trying to deal with in my life right now. I don't know if I'm going through anything similar, and I'm pretty sure the issues from my life pale in comparision to what you have endured.
What you're saying here really resonates with me. It is one of those horribly frustrating & painful things that when I've been most fractured, most needy of others, this is when everyone pulls back. They're afraid of getting lost in the maelstrom of a hurting person's pain and need. And after I slowly, painfully drag myself out of the pit I've been laboring in... That's when people can let themselves be there for me. Except... sometimes I didn't let people in enough. I'd been rejected so many times. But, sometimes I'd find that my expectations would be defied. That people didn't only want me if I helped THEM. sometimes they wanted to be there for me, too - I just didn't let them know.. I couldn't let them know how much I was hurting.
So please don't give up. You DON'T have to be perfect. We're all so human, so NOT perfect. And it will be hard to forgive them when you trust them, and they do things for themselves that hurt you. But there can be people who care for you, who support you - even if you're not perfect.
(Maybe not alot of them, but friends are out there, and they're worth the work, and the pain.)