A simple trip to the store
Usually I don't go out at night. We live in a big city, there is a lot of traffic, and the inside kids are scared of the dark. But tonight I needed to go to the store to buy some fabric, so even though it was dark, I decided to be brave and go. That's kind of a good step.
Well, I made it there. Mae wants to make more Christmas projects. She made our therapist a little Christmas tree to hang in her office and T liked it, so that just encouraged her to make more. So we stopped there. Then there were lots of pretty Christmas baubles and ribbons to look at. I browsed a bit.
Picked out my fabric. Turned out there wasn't enough, once the lady measured it. So I tried another bolt. Turned out there wasn't enough of that one, either. So I decided to get a little bit of both, since they're both pretty colors. At this point I was getting REALLY uncomfortable. I'd been trying to make eye contact, had been smiling, but now I knew I was just taking up too much of the nice scissor lady's time, afraid everyone at the counter was looking at me, wondering what they were thinking, and I wanted to run.
Then the lady, bless her heart, rang the receipt up wrong like 4 times. She kept saying she was sorry, but I didn't have any problem with what she was doing. I was patient with HER. It was me inside that was going crazy. Missy was getting mad at me. I was starting to freak out. The lady was still being nice and I was thinking, she probably wishes she had never waited on me. All I wanted to do was run away.
Finally I got my fabric and my receipt... then, get this. I wandered around the store on my way to the register. Big mistake. Walked past the Christmas ornament again. I spaced out while the kids eyed the Christmas projects, sparkley glitter, and Santa Clauses one more time.
Got to the damn register and didn't have my damn receipt for the fabric.
*i can't stand myself about now as I frantically search the ENTIRE store, even places I didn't go*
I had to go BACK to the nice scissors lady, admit to her that I lost the receipt (after all the work she went through with me the 1st time), they had to call the manager to find out what to do...
AGH.
inside i was just crying and feeling like a total freak and an idiot. why can't i just go to the store and do a NORMAL THING like normal people? Why does it have to be so complicated? It was supposed to be a quick trip to the fabric store to get a few yards of fabric. Instead it took over an hour between getting the fabric, searching for my receipt and retracing my tracks, and trying to keep everyone inside from talking out loud while all the switching went on inside, tried to keep Mae from talking to the scissors lady and saying she was sorry and was she mad and she didn't mean to be bad, and jo from buying a razor blade right then and going out to the car to cut.
AGH.
Simple. I just want SIMPLE.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
we agree, sounds like you are doing quite well, we know how it feels, that you aren't, but you really are. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself some credit. You did it, you survived it, that's progress.
keepers
trust me, I don't have D.I.D, but when clothes shopping I have often spent 3 hrs going around in circles finding nothing that I like and feeling like my brain is "mashed potatoes"!
Anybody can lose a receipt, even those who don't switch. And the lady was just doing her job, which is to be nice to all the customers, even if they cause extra work. That's what they're THERE for. Give yourself a break. You behaved normally (whatever normal is).
I do stuff like this all the time! and I think the same kind of things, call myself all sorts of daft names. Normally I forget to lock up, or go shopping and forget the thing I actually went for, and I get really angry with myself and think im mad because Im all over the place. But its just because Im being really dizzy and somthing has distracted me!
I know exactly what that is like. I'm really awkward like that to. Take it easy, don't give up :)
I think you're doing okay. :-) I really do. Nothing is simple when you have to take more than one person to the store. Your trip to the fabirc store sounds like a trip to the store with my MIL and the two kiddos and brother-in-law too. It's just HARD. I don't think things will ever be simple for us...we just have to keep working, and keep smiling, make our outside appear as normal and happy as the person behind us. Because you know what? That person behind us has troubles inside too. Everyone hides something. It's just harder for you because there is so much more going on inside.
Don't give up.
Love,
Your Sis