Handling September 11
Is there anyone on Earth who doesn't know that tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of the attack on the World Trade Center? Its everywhere. All weekend long on television there are programs. Its in the newspaper and in magazinesand on the radio. Everyone talking about where they were. What they were doing. Who they were with.
There's no escaping it. If you try to talk about it, everyone tries to one up you: oh yah, you heard _____? Well I was doing _____ and so-and-so knows _______ and THEY DIED! And my tragedy is greater than yours!
I need to escape it. I'm so afraid to go to work tomorrow. What if something happens? I'm terrified. I feel like I need to cut, to hide in my house, to spend the day on the couch with my blanket pulled over my head.
I wish I could e-mail my therapist. I wish I could call her. Usually I would, but I e-mailed her 2 or 3 times last week, and I just feel so dumb and intrusive that I don't want to bother her again. And besides, what is there to say? I CANT TALK ABOUT IT. I haven't EVER talked about it with ANYONE. And I dont know if I ever will be able to.
I can't talk about what happened inside of me that day. No, I didn't know anyone who died. No, I wasn't there.
What happened inside was...different. i cant talk about it. i cant.
What I can say is this: before September 11, I was doing really good. That fall, I was pulling myself together. We have videos-- my best friend and I playing in the park. I LAUGHED. I did cartwheels in the park. At NIGHT. I goofed around. I was eating. i laughed back then.
i laughed.
And then, the world came tumbling down.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
I for one did spend the day in bed with the sheets over my head. I didn't go to class, I didn't go to work. I didn't realize that all of it might have just been my dreading having to face this infamous day until I read your post. Today sucked, glad we made it.
I for one did spend the day in bed with the sheets over my head. I didn't go to class, I didn't go to work. I didn't realize that all of it might have just been my dreading having to face this infamous day until I read your post. It was so random that i came upon it. peace.
our oldest daughter was traumatized by sept 11 to the point where we lost her, we know she lives in portland still but she has cut off all contact with everyone back here, family and friends, ever since then. she just couldn't handle it
we miss her so
keepers
"And then, the world came tumbling down." How apt! You speak very much of my heart and feeling. I send you embraces from one who is quite simply heading straight for the blankets of my couch. I'm drained and it's not quite 10am. Blessings be to you. Ij.