Saying No and avoiding over-commitment
Well we are back to work this week and things have been busy, hectic, and overwhelming.
Things are going well though.
I actually said no to something tonight. A lady called wanting me to be the building rep. for our teacher organization again this year. I am just not doing it again. No matter how much she says it just "doesn't take much time, all you have to do is_____". I made up my mind to just tell her to forget it. I'm already overwhelmed and school hasn't yet begun. Unfortunately all I got was the lady's voicemail, but on the voicemail I still left her a message saying no, that I don't have the time or desire to be the building representative again this year, and I'd like her to find someone else. Finally...one less commitment. I need to keep practicing saying no. We have more committee sign-ups coming up in the next day or 2 at work. I've got to make sure I only stick to the 2 I am already on, and not let myself get carried away. I know that it just stresses out everyone inside when I over-commit myself and I don't want to do that to them anymore. Like we were talking last week about using camp as a model, we've been talking about making sure we have built-in rest time each day or some sort of time off. If I have got my day packed with school activities from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. then that is going to wear everyone out which doesn't help us as a group, so I'm going to try harder this year. I will probably need help with this at some point. But at least saying no to something today was a start I hope.
Carolineine
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
You are a wise, wise woman.
**which doesn't help us as a group**
For me, this is a key statement. You have to think about others in the system and what they can or can’t handle. What one alter does affects others. We may feel completely separate but the truth remains, what we do affects others inside. I always say it’s like living in an apartment building where you have your own apartment with neighbors all around you. If a few neighbors refuse to ever do any housecleaning then you take the chance of the building being infested with undesirable crawling things. On the other hand if a few tenants have a neighborhood watch meeting to make sure everyone is doing what they can to keep safe and active in their community then their hard work benefits them and the others in that building. DID is like living in an apartment building. We have separate space but our actions still impact those around us. Basically I’m saying, good for you for knowing that you have to think of the group and not just what one of you can handle.
It is easier for me to say no to people I don't know than it is for me to say it to people I know. I have a hard time saying no to people that I know because I worry that I'll be seen as selfish or moody or...well, bad. But with strangers and what not I don't have to see them anymore. I dont have to look them in the eye and wonder if they are calling me out of my name because I said no about this or that. No is just harder for me when I know the person.
Austin
i find that saying "i know that i'm being selfish but in this case i have to say no but thank you for thinking of me" works very well. if you practice your no in advance it will help. write your answer out and practice it even with answers to all the "but it won't take much of your time" excuses. at least for me people seem to ease up if i start with "i know i'm being selfish but i'm going to not do it anyway. i need more ME time."
good luck
jax
Hi Caroline
Saying NO is not easy but necessary for anyone who is feeling stressed or possibly over committed. singletons as well as multiples have to stand up for themselves and say NO sometimes, it really does help to watch out for NO. 1 sometimes!!
best always
John Michael