Something huge
I did something huge for myself today. For recovery.
I dont really want to talk specifics, but it was something that I wish I could have done years ago. It was something really, really hard for me, and I did it alone because I needed to. It probably would have been easier, had I phone a friend or my sister for support (umm...ok...not that anyone would have been available), but I did not try, because I needed to face something on my own. As it was, I did it.
I feel... guilty, sad, good, proud, confused. happy, hopeful, depressed. But I am remaining ME and not switching. Another recovery goal. That feels pretty amazing.... and weird.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
I'm proud of you for doing whatever it was and facing it and experiencing all the feelings and staying present!!! Butterflyteam said the rest so well!
Hugs and Blessings, Love Judy
I really understand how all those feelings are present at the same time after doing something like this. When I do something that I know is good for me and will help me move forward, I feel proud and happy, yet there are always those old feelings present as well. It's the self-doubt and the messages drilled into us by our abusers. The feelings are there, so acknowledge them. The important thing is that they don't stop us from doing the positive things we need to do in order to recover. The guilt and the fear and the loyalty to "them" can't win. The old feelings will be there for quite some time as you try new things. But the more you do and the more you stay loyal to yourself, I promise you those old feelings begin to show up less and less at these times of victory. I'm proud of you. (((Pilgrim)))