Taking a rest

I've been running myself ragged since I got home from the hospital. Today I'm working on resting, FINALLY! I've just been laying around the house, trying to take things easier, not moving around much. My heart has been hurting-- too much stress I think, and thats not good for me. I have just had so much to do, trying to catch up, and do end of the year things at work and home. However, things are finally starting to slow down now. Today I'm not going to do much at all and that is a wonderful thought. I'm going to work on little things today like scrapbooking and reading. Thats a new one for me-- WANTING to take it slow instead of rush, rush, rush. I actually sorta want to take care of myself a little. How weird is that?

Today I have printed up a bunch of my old writings that I've had saved on my computer... thought that I would share them with my husband, to let him know what's been going on the past few years. I've isolated myself so much and kept everyone out, and I dont want to do that anymore. Isolating myself just makes things worse. So I printed out my stuff, and I thought I'd offer them to him to read, when he's ready, so he knows what's been going on inside my head. I dont want to shut him out anymore. I dont want to shut the world out anymore. It isn't safe to let everyone in, but it is safe to let SOME people in SOME of the time at my choosing, with those I determine to be trustworthy, and I have learned how to do that. I want my husband to know me better and I want to know him better so we can get closer and have a better relationship. He doesn't trust the other insiders and doesn't trust me right now-- I understand that this is a lot for him to deal with. My hope is that he will understand that he already knows everyone really well because we've all been around all this time and Carolineine & I can be trusted to keep things under control. But it may just take time for him (and my therapist, and friends, and others) to see, and that is understandable. The best I can do is do my best.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:

1. Posted by judy on May 23, 2005