denial and not doing my part
ugh.
Yah, I know, I am doing a crappy job of being the hostess of this party .
From what I can gather, the "black boots" thing has to do with denial.
I know I need to do better with working with everyone.
I am not doing my job very well. I am not nearly as brave as the 5 year old.
I know I need to do a lot of thinking.
I think they must have been talking yesterday about me...about me not wanting to face stuff??
I want Caroline to be the one in charge. She does a much better job of running things. Let Caroline be the main person. I dont mind taking a back seat. When Caroline does stuff, it goes so much better.
Mostly I guess i want to live in my own little world, and not deal with anything-- its easier... I've been doing it all my life, why change? Yah, I hate all the chaos and confusion, all the forgetting and the gaps in memory. But I must be comfortable enough with the status quo because I'm not doing much on my own part to change that.
That annoys me.
I want to change and I know I need to change, I know the way I do things doesn't work very well.
So why aren't I doing more? I NEED to do more! Me, myself-- Pilgrim. I need to do more. And be consistent about it.
crud. I need to figure out what to do.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Thank you Paul.
I appreciate your advice.
In my experience, every choice a person makes, is because they want to make it for one reason or another... and in the few cases where they don't want to, it's because they don't want to make the other choice even more. Problem is, even after you've made the choice, it's often hard to figure out why, because the things you want (or don't want) are quite often sub-conscious.
It sounds to me that right now, you're not tackling the problems that you would like to because there's a strong reason you don't want to (one that out-weighs the reasons you do want to)... Perhaps something you're fearful of, or worried about.
In order to be able to tackle the problems you mentioned, you most likely have to find what it is that is stopping you, and resolve it in some way. Perhaps if you figure out what is stopping you, talking with your T about it might help.
Of course, all this is easier said than done (as always ^^)
Good luck, and I hope things turn out well for you! :)
Paul