What if I'm just a freak?
But i dont want to have DID. The others inside even try to convince me "sorry, this is what you've got; we're real." But... I hate being this way. Its embarassing...humiliating. I just want to be normal. I just want 1 person in my head-- just me. My therapist treats me, and the others inside. She talks to all of us. She works on different areas of treatment with all of us. She calls everyone by their names. She treats everyone well. I guess she believes we have D.I.D. too. She sent me for tests last summer...to a psychologist who can diagnose DID. The testing didn't go well... there were actually 5 of us taking the tests, the personality tests, inkblot tests, and everything. It was last summer, but I've been too afraid to ask my therapist was the results of the tests were, because how could they be accurate, when there was so much switching going on? :( I dont want to have d.i.d. I dont want everyone inside to be real. it explains everything about my life. but i dont want it to be real. i'm ashamed. i'm afraid. i feel like a freak. I want them to go away. Even Caroline, one of the ones inside who is so helpful and has a lot of wisdom, even SHE is telling me, this is real, kid; we're real.I dont want it to be real. I just want to be me, and me alone. i dont know what to do or who to believe. I dont want to be like this. What if i'm just crazy. What if I'm just a freak.? :(
by Pilgrim
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
