from Caroline...now that Missy's had her fit.
I’m sorry I tried to salvage what I could out of the appointment with Dr x… Missy was in the way, I couldn’t get around her… I tried to tell Dr x that I wasn’t trying to be difficult (maybe Missy wasn’t trying to be difficult either, she was just trying to stand up for herself…*maybe*…*sigh*…God Missy what WERE you doing?)…
Guys… we have to work something better out or Missy is going to keep doing this. We can’t let her go to Dr x anymore. One of us is going to HAVE to figure out how to be present enough to make sure WE are there instead of her. You KNOW how she is. She’s just like dad…and he’s completely anti-medicine… you know she’s probably doing this because we’re going to be seeing Dad in a month and Missy’s just trying to identify with him. I don’t know… maybe she means well, maybe not, but either way, we cant let her run around like she owns everything, we’re going to have to find a way to work with her. Yeah I know, how. I don’t know. I’ll think of something…I’ll need more time to work on that one. She really needs to go talk to [our T]. I think we should force her…don’t know how we’d manage that but there’s got to be some way.
…this is so much to handle on my own right now, what am I even going to do with them?
I need to do some research this week. I don’t even know about WHAT, but I need to figure out SOMETHING…in SOME area… to help.
What a conundrum our life is.
Let me sort some things out…maybe writing will help. Man, my brain is full. They better read this later.
Ok…here is what I know.
Theres 1 body. (sorry, just 1, no matter what everyone perceives.)
Everyone sees themselves as their own person…yes, even me, even though I know better… I just forget sometimes. I know better.
At work, I (Caroline) take over completely from 7:30-4:00 as soon as I get inside the building (even if Nobody is the one driving to work)…that way every day is a good day at work, and that way our performance reviews are always high…thank goodness. No more days like at ____ elementary when Mae was popping out here and there, we’d hide in the bathroom, etc…thank goodness we’ve got a handle on work now.
after we leave the school building everything is up for grabs… we can all feel it. As soon as the kids get on the bus, I’m (Caroline) pretty much gone… and Por nobody takes back over.
nights and weekends, lots of switching goes on, depending on circumstances, what’s on tv, what people say, memories that pop up, what we read in a book, a certain smell or taste of something, being triggered by different things makes someone else take over.
if they fight the switching, they get bad headaches which makes everyone miserable and the noise inside escalates. If the switching is allowed to happen, the headaches go away, people are allowed to say what they want to and need to, there is less fighting, less noise. Whether they like it or not, when everyone gets some time out on their own, it helps.
When Nobody is around… nothing gets done. She is too depressed/anxious to get housework or any other work done. She’d rather just lay on the couch and stare into space…everything else is too much effort…she doesn’t want to do anything.
When Missy is around… she will pay the bills, do the housework, go shopping, do research on weird things. (And apparently, Missy goes sneaking around and doing things that the rest of us don’t know about!!)
the kids will play…content to color, watch PBS, whatever… most of the time. Mae …well… we all know how she is.
P just tries to keep up with what’s going on and tries to get through the day any way she can…exercising, getting on the computer, reading, playing with the dogs.
I like to enjoy the day if I can…yoga, reading, helping friends online, doing webpages, things like that, but I don’t do much if I’m not at work. Work is my life—those kids are my life. I have friends I can talk to on the internet, but most of them just want me to listen to them, want my advice. I’m ok with that.
Here is what else I know: this fighting can’t go on…neither can this disorganization…communication has gotten better, and everyone’s been making good progress in their own ways…but as a group, we’re not working together that much… what is getting in the way? (Ahem…or maybe the question is WHO?)…sorry. That was petty of me.
I have to figure out…what to do… I think we need to stop seeing Dr x and find someone who knows about D.I.D. stuff… and then I (Caroline) will go talk to them…. And let them know what’s going on with everyone. Missy has ruined things with Dr x.
This is not a crisis. I keep telling everyone that. We really need to learn to contain ourselves.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Migraines
