Using a teaspoon when I need a bucket
I know whats been going on. Joining from some sort of half world that i've been in. Numb, distant feeling lost.
I just don't... feel like talking... I guess.
Caroline has been doing the teaching every day, thank goodness. But even she has been quieter. Everybody inside seems to know what's going on.. there is one specific thing that Nobody is dealing with, a secret she told. Pretty much everyone knows now. But no one wants to deal with it. I know I dont want to. Let her. ... she is the one who has those memories that she needs to resolve.
i dont want to have to deal with things that i dont remember. If something happened to Nobody, let her deal with it. I dont want to talk about it. I dont want anyone to make me remember things that didn't happen to me.
Everyone is disconnected... it seems like everyone's living separate lives right now. The kids are doing their own thing in their own little corner of the world. Caroline is trying to keep things together to keep teaching. Nobody is out there in the middle of her nothingness. There is screaming in my ears though, at times, and I dont know where it comes from. Things are so strange right now.
I feel like this is really bad writing... it has no focus, no direction. My mind feels like its scattered into too many pieces, like i have to run around scooping up thoughts, words, and parts of my mind, but I'm using a teaspoon when i should be using a 10 gallon bucket, so everything keeps falling back out.
I'll try again tomorrow.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Sweet Pilgrim & all,Well it was nice to hear from you Pilgrim. I'm glad you have Caroline to do the teaching for you, so that you can get through the beginning of the school year.I'm sure that Nobody's memories are stirring everyone up and I understand you not wanting to deal with them and leaving it to Nobody. it must seem strange for everyone to be doing their different things and Nobody dealing with memories now that you are back in school. It seems you used the summer break to get in touch with everyone inside and try to move toward peace inside to start with. And now there's the work schedule and life is turned back upside down and sideways and everyone has scattered.We sooooo care about you Pilgrim and all. Hopefully the therapist can help Nobody and then you to deal with the memories. I want so much for you to be present.Hugs and Blessings, Judy
Sweet Pilgrim & all,Well it was nice to hear from you Pilgrim. I'm glad you have Caroline to do the teaching for you, so that you can get through the beginning of the school year.I'm sure that Nobody's memories are stirring everyone up and I understand you not wanting to deal with them and leaving it to Nobody. it must seem strange for everyone to be doing their different things and Nobody dealing with memories now that you are back in school. It seems you used the summer break to get in touch with everyone inside and try to move toward peace inside to start with. And now there's the work schedule and life is turned back upside down and sideways and everyone has scattered.We sooooo care about you Pilgrim and all. Hopefully the therapist can help Nobody and then you to deal with the memories. I want so much for you to be present.Hugs and Blessings, Judy