What is switching like when you have DID? Switching is the process of changing from one alter/ personality/ inside person to another. It varies from one system to another. Some of the members of AMJ, my forum for people with DID, have put together some valuable insights on what the process of switching is like for them. Some quotes:
- Tt is if I am watching what is happening from behind. The best thing I can say is that it reminds me of being back stage watching what is going on through the curtain or wings of the stage.
-There are times when I feel very distant from everything, and everything seems foggy. It’s like I’m on the outside, watching a TV with reception that fades in and out. Sometimes the reception isn’t so bad, so I can follow what’s going on, and keep track of the conversation/events. Sometimes the reception is very bad and I can’t keep track of what’s going on at all. Sometimes I don’t feel outside myself, I just feel like I’m in the background and someone else is talking/doing, but I can do/say things too.
-Before a switch we often get a building pressure kind of throbbing head and just before it's like our eyes aren't in the front of our head anymore, like they get sucked backwards deep into our skull. This part seems to be a co-conscious experience.Then time gets lost except for whoever came out.
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there's a lot going on lately. too much to fit in our head. too much to talk about. too much to say. we feel alone, separate from the world, like no one understands. but its our fault that we feel separate, because we can't talk about what's going on in our heads. if someone even asked us to explain, we probably couldn't. its just all too much. too many paths going nowhere. feeling helpless to make some situations better and just feeling lost. feeling like we're trying to hold back hoover dam with our pinky finger or something. just a lot going on at the moment, and its not a good feeling. family situations really suck sometimes.

Things are kind of tough right now. There's some outside stuff going on that's making life a little challenging and scary and worrisome. Making the world not feel safe again. It has made therapy a real challenge because we don't feel safe again, when we were starting to feel safer at our new therapist's office. The past few months have been really interesting because we all like Kathy a lot and inside kids are doing lots of hard work and we've been learning to trust Kathy and inside things are going better. But then outside stuff happens and--WHAM!-- makes everything scary again. Makes us question everything. But last night, for the 1st time in her life, Claire felt safe in our therapist's office and she hasn't ever felt safe anywhere before. She never felt safe at Sharon's. We didn't ever really feel too safe at Sharon's...but that is a long story. So last night, we really did begin to feel safe at Kathy's, and that was really nice. Something to begin to hold onto. When the kids start to feel something, it does begin to work its way to everyone else inside eventually, even if it takes a while. We know that Kathy is a safe person and we can trust her, we just all have to start feeling it. It was nice last night that Claire finally did. Things are going to be okay, at least in that room, in that city. The rest of the world, well, we don't know yet. But there, we are starting to feel safe.