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September 2, 2005

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on Friday

At last, the end of the week is here. I am officially pooped. Commuting and me do not get on so well... As a result I had an appallingly bad driving lesson today, nearly crashing twice. God bless dual controls...

Oh well, back to my homeland - the city - once more after work. Can't wait. It's Friday so probably will be eating out. A nice treat for the end of the week.

Obsessing a bit about the new house - interesting how anxiety strikes when the defences are down. Convinced it is going to blow up or something. All will be well once I've arrived, housemate R has a calming influence on me. He is delightfully laid back. Leaves the toilet seat up slightly too often though!

P.S. I split up with said love-interest from a couple of months ago. She was wearing me out. Her life was so erratic and unpredictable it took a real toll on my emotional health. I was very reasonable about it and explained she clearly had too much on her plate right now. I just couldn't deal with the inconsistency I had to face. She never seemed to know what she was doing and why from one minute to the rest. When I needed support, she was often too busy to listen. And to be fair, all that most of us want is someone to listen.

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 8:41 AM | Comments (0)

August 31, 2005

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at Work .... shhhhhh!

OK, I'll keep my voice down, but here I am writing my entry from work... I did finally get clearance from the NHS occupational health bods and so have resigned from my job at the most parochial newspaper on earth. Hoorah!

I moved house on Saturday. By mid-afternoon I was flagging. I made the sensible decision to pay people to move me, so I didn't have to do any carrying or lifting. Some people would call that lazy. I used to argue with them, but now can't be bothered. Packing and unpacking are my two least favourite things (along with unreliability and actions not reflecting words). I always feel like such a weedy wuss and run out of steam and then can't do anything. Luckily I have moved in with R, someone who gets all this. When I got back from work last night he had dinner on the table. Fabulous!

Today another friend e-mailed me and asked me to help with her move... I paid people to do mine, I'm not wasting my limited energy on someone else's. I feel bad saying no. I'd love to be someone who can heave and heft things anywhere - my friend K is like that. She's a forklift truck driver. I just have to accept the fact that I am a hothouse flower, not a hardy annual.

Am commuting now I've moved, so super-tired each evening. Will be glad when my new job starts - just down the road from where I now live.

Another thing about living there is the stairs. Hate stairs - nearly as much as packing and unpacking. I've lived in single floor flats for the last eight years and now I live in a house where if I plan badly I have to go upstairs and fetch things. That's really quite tiring and a bit annoying. Maybe I'm just unfit.

Nothing much else to report really - too tired to remember!

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 7:36 AM | Comments (0)

March 20, 2005

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome with a Virus

Well, I seem to be a bit ill again. I woke up with a sore throat on Friday and have been feeling decidedly virussy ever since. It's so annoying - and so unfair. Pants! Anyway, I managed to get through work on Friday and then spent the evening worrying about whether I would be fit enough for the gig I was supposed to be playing at last night. By the time it got to yesterday morning I was still stressing and not feeling any better, but in the end I decided it was better to be ill and happy than ill and miserable. I have been looking forward to the gig for months. I threw caution to the wind and went anyway.

It was fantastic. It took loads out of me, but I don't care. It was so much fun. I don't play music in public nearly as often as I used to and I've missed it. I played drums for a band for about an hour and it was really exhilarating. By the time it was over I could barely stand up and my legs were like jelly, but it was worth it. I just wish that I didn't have to think all these things through so carefully. I want to be young and foolish!

Well, today I feel better than I did yesterday, so the risk paid off. Hurrah! Let's just hope I'm ok at work tomorrow.

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 7:44 AM | Comments (0)

March 16, 2005

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on Press day

Well, since my last posting a lot has happened. Now, I could write about going to a celidh with some chums and not being able to dance because it made me uncomfortably dizzy, or about feeling super-depressed on Monday morning again, however I don't want to. I've had a good today today.

One of the better decisions I've made of late is to change jobs. Newspaper work is very harsh and aggressive. It does not suit me at all - neither do the physical demands. And today, in the paper, there were three jobs that I like the look of. All community-based work. Something to feed my soul - which has come to feel a little hungry at the moment.

So, today I'm smiling.

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 10:19 AM | Comments (0)

March 5, 2005

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in the Snow

So, today there have been several variations on the weather. Rain, sleet, hail and snow and then rain again. All this coupled with an icy wind made me seriously consider rethinking my plans. But no. After an anxiety-filled hour I decided that I would have a very dull day if I didn’t leave the flat. So I got on a bus and off I went. For some reason every time I am on a bus at the moment there is always a group of slightly noisy teenagers behind me. Luckily I had my mini-disc with me so I could drown out the effing and blinding. Oh dear, am I getting old? But surely I wasn’t like that. Was I? I remember people who were, but if I remember rightly I was quite a good girl. I certainly never swore. Yes, I had my rebellious moments, but mostly in a good and just cause. Or at least what I believed to be a good and just cause. In reality I was a bit of a goody-goody.
I swear quite a lot now. I think it comes from working in a newspaper office, it sort of dawns on you that you’ve become a stereotypical hack. Really must stop that, I’m sure it doesn’t suit me.

Talking of suiting me, I bought another skirt today while I was out – that totals three new ones in the space of as many weeks. Now this is truly adventurous. Since the age of about seven (will have to confirm that with mum) I haven’t worn skirts on a regular basis. In fact for years if anyone brandished one in my direction I would actually cry – real tears. It was a major coup when I agreed to be a bridesmaid for my aunt’s wedding when I was nine. I remember the dress and ballet shoes and itchy tights even now. I also remember changing into jeans and a lumberjack shirt as soon as the ceremony was over much to everyone’s amusement. I think I thought I was a cowboy. I was obviously persuaded against wearing the hat though.
After going into two shops (so I’m not really a dedicated shopper) I needed a rest, so I popped into the Fair Trade café I like so much. It was delightful. I drank tea (only one caffeinated cup a day) while reading the Guardian. I felt suitably left wing as I did so. Then, taken in completely by some health food ad I bought a fruit drink to boost the immune system. It cost £1.85. Even as I handed over my hard earned cash I knew it was a con. It was just fancy orange juice really. But it was nice to know that the slightly odd tasting liquid travelling down my throat was doing me good.

I am now safely at home wearing a jumper with the word Plumber written across it. Someone saw me in it once and actually believed I was one.

Tonight I’m supposed to be at a party, well, in fact two parties. One is miles away and the train drivers in this part of the country are on strike. Replacement buses for some reason only travel at 4.5 miles per hour. I’ve never worked out why. The other is closer to home, but the hostess has two cats and, on top of everything else I am allergic to them and they make me wheeze. It’s just not worth taking the chance on as I have to work next week. I think I might open a beer though. Only one mind, I’ll lose consciousness completely if I have more than one! I wish I was someone who could stay up partying all night and then be fine the next day. Never have been though.

Right, hungry now, am going to stick a potato in the microwave and open a tin of tuna. See, I cook too.

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)