September 16, 2005

I had forgotten how healing sleep can be. By the end of yesterday I was thoroughly exhausted. I had a hot bath and was in bed asleep by 9.30pm.

At 8am I woke up feeling so much better and have had a lovely day.

It's like magic!

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 7:48 AM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2005

Well, since I last wrote I have had my driving test, and failed it. I didn't maim anyone you will be pleased to know, I just hit the kerb. Surely that's what kerbs are for – telling you where the road ends!

I haven't been thinking about my health very much, more that of others. My friend's two-year-old daughter has been diagnosed with acute leukaemia which can only be treated with a bone marrow transplant. She hasn't much time, so her family swung into action and got themselves tested. Unfortunately none of them was a match, so today I decided I would see if I could register on the Anthony Nolan bone marrow transplant register. The idea was that even if I can't help little S, I can maybe help someone else in that position. However, it seems that because of my chronic fatigue syndrome I am not eligible. Apparently if you have had an episode or in the last 12 months or a relapse, you can't register. My last relapse was in January, extending to February. I feel so disappointed. I so wanted to do something practical to help.

A friend came to see me last night. She told me how hard the last few months had been and how depressed she's feeling. She reeled off a list of symptoms that fit with clinical depression. I gave her a stern talking to about how she needs to see her GP and get some counselling or medication or something. I don't know whether she will though. I've told her this before.
If I ran the world life would be so much easier...

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 7:59 AM | Comments (0)

September 2, 2005

At last, the end of the week is here. I am officially pooped. Commuting and me do not get on so well... As a result I had an appallingly bad driving lesson today, nearly crashing twice. God bless dual controls...

Oh well, back to my homeland - the city - once more after work. Can't wait. It's Friday so probably will be eating out. A nice treat for the end of the week.

Obsessing a bit about the new house - interesting how anxiety strikes when the defences are down. Convinced it is going to blow up or something. All will be well once I've arrived, housemate R has a calming influence on me. He is delightfully laid back. Leaves the toilet seat up slightly too often though!

P.S. I split up with said love-interest from a couple of months ago. She was wearing me out. Her life was so erratic and unpredictable it took a real toll on my emotional health. I was very reasonable about it and explained she clearly had too much on her plate right now. I just couldn't deal with the inconsistency I had to face. She never seemed to know what she was doing and why from one minute to the rest. When I needed support, she was often too busy to listen. And to be fair, all that most of us want is someone to listen.

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 8:41 AM | Comments (0)

August 31, 2005

OK, I'll keep my voice down, but here I am writing my entry from work... I did finally get clearance from the NHS occupational health bods and so have resigned from my job at the most parochial newspaper on earth. Hoorah!

I moved house on Saturday. By mid-afternoon I was flagging. I made the sensible decision to pay people to move me, so I didn't have to do any carrying or lifting. Some people would call that lazy. I used to argue with them, but now can't be bothered. Packing and unpacking are my two least favourite things (along with unreliability and actions not reflecting words). I always feel like such a weedy wuss and run out of steam and then can't do anything. Luckily I have moved in with R, someone who gets all this. When I got back from work last night he had dinner on the table. Fabulous!

Today another friend e-mailed me and asked me to help with her move... I paid people to do mine, I'm not wasting my limited energy on someone else's. I feel bad saying no. I'd love to be someone who can heave and heft things anywhere - my friend K is like that. She's a forklift truck driver. I just have to accept the fact that I am a hothouse flower, not a hardy annual.

Am commuting now I've moved, so super-tired each evening. Will be glad when my new job starts - just down the road from where I now live.

Another thing about living there is the stairs. Hate stairs - nearly as much as packing and unpacking. I've lived in single floor flats for the last eight years and now I live in a house where if I plan badly I have to go upstairs and fetch things. That's really quite tiring and a bit annoying. Maybe I'm just unfit.

Nothing much else to report really - too tired to remember!

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 7:36 AM | Comments (0)

August 19, 2005

Well, what to tell? About a month ago I got a new job – working for the NHS would you believe! It’s a great job, great money and in Leicester – where I’m moving in the next week.
Anyway, I hoped to hand in my notice to my current job a couple of months ago, but I am currently jumping through endless hoops for occupational health. It is so frustrating. I have not had a single day off work through illness in six months. Not only do I have to suffer for being ill when I’m ill, but afterwards too. So desperate to start this new chapter in my life, but as ever my illness holds me back.
Someone told me there must be a reason for it. Perhaps it’s character building. Although, I have to say, my character is fully developed thank you, NO MORE!

Posted by Sleepy Sal at 1:49 PM | Comments (0)